“When you can’t go forward, and you can’t go backward, and you can’t stay where you are without killing off something deep and vital in yourself, you are on the edge of creation.” – Sue Monk Kidd
Alright. So, I know I’ve said it before – “This is it, I’m leaving my day job” and “90 days left until I can get back to myself.” – yada yada, I know there have been many instances that I’ve said I’m going to give up working a job that makes me miserable and doesn’t benefit me in the long run.
But, well… By the end of February, I will no longer be working at my infamous and stressful day job. The Universe, as mentioned in my last post, came knocking. A serious of strange and in some ways unfortunate events led me to the realization that there are more important things in life than paying bills until I die. I will never, with the hours I work and amount of other things I have to worry about, get a book ready to be sent off. The odds are against me there.
Until now.
“I believe ardently that you should drop everything and run toward your true self.” -Kyran Pittman
Now I can focus on my health for a bit. I can devote hours to writing and editing and hunting for the perfect agent. I can work on my art and photography and just try, in general, to improve my chaotic little world. I’m not quitting the day job scene for good, just a little while until I can get back to feeling like myself.
Because obviously, bills don’t pay themselves, and won’t magically disappear just because I don’t have steady income. But this wasn’t a spur of the moment decision, and it wasn’t something I just came up with.
Like I said, the Universe came knocking on my door, and said it was time for me to go. In other words, they’re closing down where I work, and not everyone gets to keep their job. So, I might as well work until they’re closed, then let someone else have a position, and I can write and whatnot for a bit.
When faced with the decision – fight for a job I don’t want, or let someone who really needs the money have it… well, it was time to take my bow.
It’s time I put some serious work into my writing, and really get somewhere.
“Try to make your time matter: minutes and hours and days and weeks can blow away like dead leaves, with nothing to show but time you spent not quite ever doing things, or time you spent waiting to begin.” – Neil Gaiman (Read more here)
So there you have it. Of course I’m scared, because I’m human, and I’ve grown attached to the idea of having money appear in my bank account every two weeks, and going on adventures, and doing what I please. But I’m also very, very excited, because this is a brand new year, and I can maybe use it to become the person I haven’t been in some time – the girl who could write and draw and paint and take photos and let creativity flow freely and live some beautiful amazing life.
I used to be her. And I miss her. I can’t wait to have myself back.
Wish me luck.
~Angel
So, here it is:
Misadventures of a Misfit 