Posts Tagged ‘worry’

Rambling Insomnia.

Posted: February 23, 2013 by Angel Young in Uncategorized
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“I wasted time, and now doth time waste me.”
  ~William Shakespeare

I have a doctor’s appointment in the city with a specialist on Tuesday to further investigate the Mysterious Sickness of Doom. Almost a whole year now with only fractions of answers and no real completed puzzle.

And I cannot deny the amount of fear that’s been eating at me. What if I don’t get better? What if I find out something terrible? What if it keeps getting worse?

What if I’m the next funeral?

And I can’t stand it right now. I can’t sleep. I can’t think. I want to ask for some help, but I really don’t know what to say or do. So I just sit here. And I wonder. And I can’t sleep.

I think about the wasted time. Then realize I’m wasting more time. Like I am now.

Because I am mortal. I am afraid. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is very wrong.

I really need to convince myself to go to sleep.

~Angel

You could draw attention with the pen that you hold.

Posted: August 1, 2012 by Angel Young in Uncategorized
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“The fire’s only half dead, how many angels can you fit on a match head?”

Trying, trying, trying… Even though everything seems to keep falling apart, even though every time I think I have one problem out of the way, I turn around and have six more problems on top of the previous problems. Mounting stress. Worry, concern, anxiety. Eating me up. Making me nuts. Killing the passion, the drive, the fire that used to burn so bright inside of me. I wish I could just stop and focus again. I used to do so well, used to get so much done. But I never have time to shoot or draw or paint or, most importantly – write. I NEED to write. I need to shoot. I need to focus. But I’ve been working too much, stressing too much, hurting too much..

“I’m feeling like I’m half dead.”

Mysterious Sickness of Doom just won’t go away. I just can’t seem to make myself feel any better, then find out more things are wrong. More procedures, more doctors, more test. I’m tired of it all. I just want to be better again. I want to go home from work and not feel like I’m going to die because my body hurts too much.

“I’d tell you the truth but I don’t wanna upset you friend.
I’d tell you “Go to hell” but Satan wouldn’t let you in.
He’d say that you’re an evil man amongst evil men,
And when you need a friend you can seek him then.”

I’m tired of the bad guy winning lately. Tired of people destroying my chances to move forward. Not just me bitching that someone else is holding me back – I mean LITERALLY, people getting themselves into some huge mess and somehow dragging me into said mess. It’s never ending. And it pulls some domino effect stuff on the rest of my life, leaving me lost on what to do next when I was so sure I had a game plan in mind.

In other news…

My friend Skylar, aka the FABULOUS model Little Red ( Go like her on Facebook!), started living with me this week, and we’re officially moving her stuff tomorrow with the help of our mutual friend (and my bestie) Brittaney – aka other fab model, Daisy Von Doom ( Annnnd go like her on Facebook as well). Also, we’re redoing my bathroom. Well, starting on it at least. So yeah. Shit is craaazy right now.

More news, hopefully less whiney, later.

~Angel