Posts Tagged ‘soundtrack of a misfit’

I haven’t posted a Soundtrack of a Misfit post in quite a while, but this one needs to be posted. I heard this for the first time in this new year, and immediately it raised my spirits and made me smile. I knew this song was going to be the anthem for 2015, and that of course I needed to share it.

Here’s some lyrics for you:

“I Lived” by OneRepublic

Hope when you take that jump
You don’t fear the fall
Hope when the water rises
You build a wall

Hope when the crowd screams out
They’re screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay

Hope that you fall in love
And it hurts so bad
The only way you can know
Is give it all you have

And I hope that you don’t suffer
But take the pain
Hope when the moment comes
You’ll say…

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second
That this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah, with every broken bone
I swear I lived

[Verse 2]
Hope that you spend your days
But they all add up
And when that sun goes down
Hope you raise your cup

I wish that I could witness
All your joy and all your pain
But until my moment comes
I’ll say…

I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second
That this world could give
I saw so many places
The things that I did
Yeah, with every broken bone
I swear I lived

From the viewpoint of a chronically ill person, as well as just how I would prefer to live my life, this song is PERFECT. I’d like to believe this is going to be my anthem for 2015, despite all the changes, or maybe even thanks to all the changes. So I guess we’ll see.


“I think I’ll wait another year,
It’ll be the best year ever.”

If you haven’t listened to Amanda Palmer’s “Another Year”, go do it immediately. This song is on to Top 5 list of the soundtrack of my life, I swear.


Now, I have done many, many things in my life. I’ve worked in a haunted house, and a Halloween costume/supply store. I’ve left the country. Twice. Swam with dolphins. Also twice. I attended a writing conference in New York with Best Selling authors and agents and other passionate writer people like myself, and even read part of a manuscript out loud to two agents (both of which were interested in reading more) – before I started my senior year of High School. I’ve been to Orlando four times. I’ve been to Boston and Salem. I’ve been to Chicago, New Orleans, and Nashville for cons. I’ve been to James Marsters birthday party. Sean Patrick Flanery has called my boyfriend and made me blush, and just been an all around awesome dude to me. David Della Rocco kissed my cheek. I’ve met amazing actors, artists, comedians, authors, etc. I’ve met Stan Lee. Multiple times. I met Robert Englund and cried. I’ve been to Batman Live!, Wicked, Phantom of the Opera, and a variety of other plays and shows. I’ve had VIP passes and been allowed into areas others have dreamed of. I’ve shot fashion shows, had photos and articles published, and occasionally feel like maybe I’m going in the right direction.

And so, so much more. So many people and places I can’t even list them all.

But, I somehow still want more. I have worked myself to death to feel like I’m somewhere, or doing something, and not wasting my life behind a desk at a day job.

It feels like I have been stuck in a state of Almost Something. I have almost been published. Almost graduated with my degree as an Art major. Almost stepped up to the next level in photography. Almost almost almost. But I don’t won’t to fall short anymore. I want to move from Almost Something into Definitely Something.

So, next year, I will try to do more. I will try to top everything I’ve already done, just because I have the drive to do it. I don’t want to live an average life. It will drive me insane. I want to feel like I’ve accomplished things and lived a life I was proud of by the time I’m dead.

I’m working on a list right now of things to do in 2015. Because while 2014 had some very good things, it also had some horrible things. And I want more good days than bad. I’ll post a finished list closer to New Years Eve, but there are some points I will definitely touch on:

I will do something writing related, whether it’s a published novel, or another article. Even a baby step forward is better than a stand still.

I will work on my photography more. Because I miss it. Because I need it. I will do shoots and get my work out there.

I will do something more with my art. It’s improving, though not quite where it was art. I would love to start selling prints and pieces to people.

Travel. Experiences. Health.

There is no point in wasting time, when there are adventures out there waiting for me. I just need to seize the chances I’m presented with.


A friend (THANK YOU EMILY!!!) suggested I listen to this song earlier, and I thought I’d share. I needed to hear this song today, and it’s really made me feel so much better. Let’s add it to my Soundtrack of a Misfit: Force of the Unseen by Cloud Cult:

We said, “There’s nothing wrong.”
We put our strong face on.
And go right
through it.
Please say it can’t be done.
Cuz that’s just fuel for me to
just prove this yeah, you’ll see.
Cuz that’s just fuel for me to just do
this, yeah, you’ll see.

We have so much energy that you can’t
We’ll blow right through it.
Please say you can’t help me.
Cuz that’s just fuel for me to just prove this, yeah, you’ll see.
Cuz that’s just
fuel for me to just do this, yeah, you’ll see.

I’m gonna make it through,
you’ll see.
I swear I’ll prove you wrong.
You haven’t seen the last of
I am way too strong.
It’s not impossible, you’ll see.
You’ve never
been inside my head:
Ten billion burning suns and belief in a strength that
can raise the dead.

It’s the warmth when you’re next to me.
It’s the
bright white light of a fevered dream.
It’s the storm in your eyes.
in the roots of the tree:
The underestimated power of the forces of the

“The Graveyard Near The House”

by The Airborne Toxic Event

The other day when we were walking by the graveyard near the house you asked me if I thought
Would ever die. And if life and love both fade so predictably, we’ve made ourselves a kind of predictable lie.
So I pictured us like corpses lying side by side in pieces in some dark and lonely plot under a bough. We looked so silly
There all decomposed, half turned to dust in tattered clothes, though we probably look just as silly now.

Bye, bye, bye, all this dog-eared innocence. I can’t pretend that I can tell you what is going to happen next or how to be.
But you have no idea about me. Do you?

It left me to wonder if people ever know each other or just stumble around like strangers in the dark. Because sometimes
You seem so strange to me, I must seem strange to you. We’re like two actors playing two parts. Did you memorize your lines? ‘Cause
I did. Here’s the part where I get so mad. I tell you that I can’t forget the past. You get so quiet now
And you seem somehow like a lost and lonely child and you just hope that the moment won’t last.

Bye, bye, bye all this dogged innocence. I can’t pretend that I can tell you what is going to happen next or how to be.
But you have no idea about me. Do you?

Still, there’s always a way around. There’s something tying our feet to the ground.
A moment passed, we hear how it sounds. And it seems a little less profound, like we’re all
Going the same way down.

I’m just trying to write it all down.

I write songs, and you write letters. We are tied like two in tethers, and we talk and read and laugh and sleep at night in
Bed together. And you wake in tears sometimes, I can see the thoughts flash across your eyes.
They say, “Darling will you be kind? Will you be a good man and stay behind if I get old?”

Then the letters all flash through my head, with the words that I was told about the fading flesh of life and love,
The failures of the bold. I can list each crippling fear like I’m reading from a will.

And I’ll defy every one and love you still. I will carry you with me up every hill. And if you die before I die,
I’ll carve your name out of the sky. I’ll fall asleep with your memory and dream of where you lie.

It may be better to move on and to let life just carry on and I may be wrong. Still I’ll try.

Because it’s better to love whether you win or lose or die. It’s better to love and I will love you until I die.


This song has been reaching out to me lately, and I can’t completely understand why I feel like it’d be on the soundtrack to my life. But still, it’s one of those songs I’m sure would be listed. After my walk through the cemetery the other day, the peace it brought, and some of the stress lately.. Yeah. This fits.



I couldn’t count the number of times I’ve heard or thought in my lifetime “If my life had a soundtrack, THIS song would be on it.” Well, that’s the basic concept for this post series: Soundtrack of a Misfit. These are the songs that, if my life indeed did have a soundtrack, would be played. As of late, it’s been this song – “Another Year” by Amanda Palmer.

I tried to fall in it again
My friends took bets and disappeared
They mime their sighing violins
I think I’ll wait another year

I want my chest pressed to your chest
My nervous systems interfere
Ten or eleven months have passed
I think I’ll wait another year

This weather turns my tricks to rust
I am a lousy engineer
The winter makes things hard enough
I think I’ll wait another year

Plus I’m only twenty-six years old
My grandma died at eighty-three
That’s lots of time if I don’t smoke
I think I’ll wait another year

I’m not as callous as you think
I barely breath when you are near
It’s not as bad when I don’t drink
I think I’ll wait another year

I have my new Bill Hicks CD
I have my friends and my career
I’m getting smaller by degrees
You said you’d help me disappear

But that could take forever
I think I’ll wait another year
It’ll be the best year ever
I think I’ll wait another year
Can’t we just wait together?
You bring the smokes, I’ll bring the beer
I think I’ll wait another year

It’s a hard thing to really describe, especially in less than a memoir sized post, but I’ll give it a good summary.

There have been so many stresses, ups and downs, reasons to move on and reasons to hold on to hope these past… well, two years now. I feel like this song sums up quite a bit of that pretty well. Diving into college and work full time, when I was used to worrying about photo shoots and artwork and, primarily, writing – it wasn’t the easiest transition in the world to make. I mean, YAY money. Yay education. But that’s a rough thing to lose when it’s your therapy, and writing definitely was. Definitely IS. So, my brain keeps hoping I’ll split in two, and Other Me will finish editing my manuscript, send it off, get it published, and rejoin me. But it doesn’t seem so.

Not to mention, the personal stress: family, friends, boyfriend. Trying to learn to keep who I am alive in a world where people are constantly fighting me to change. I’m different – not just in the “Oh looky she’s a tattooed freak monkey” – I AM different than normal 21 year old gals. Not everyone likes it, or how I handle things, or how I try to help them when they just want to self-destruct. Sometimes, it strikes me just how alone I am anymore. “My friends took bets and disappeared” really rings true here, among other lines.

Finally, freedom. I worry about whether or not I can actually BE free. Of home, of worry, of killing-me-slowly-stress, of debt, of all the bad things. I try to save up money, try to move forward (hell, I was working more jobs than I thought I ever COULD at one point) but nothing seems to progress.

So, I’d keep telling myself… it’ll only be another year until I’m on track to get published again. Until I’m doing incredible shoots and regularly selling my art. Until I’m happy again. Until I’m free.

But, I can’t wait. I get that now. Even WITH work and school and stress.. If I want my life to change, I have to change it. So, when I think about next year, it’s not what I hope will happen –

It’s what I will MAKE happen.

Hopefully, this makes a little sense. If you like this post series, do let me know. I hope to continue it with more songs and better reasons. =)