Posts Tagged ‘sjogrens sucks’

alice

“My life’s all I got, and Heaven is all in my brain.
And when I feel I’m in Hell, my ideas are what get me through pain.”

 It’s been a crappy health related week or so. Not too horrible. But there are some scary things happening and some procedures and ASAP referrals to new specialists for test concerns. I broke down crying yesterday, having a childish “why me/not fair” fit. Honestly, you deserve those sometimes when health stuff gets stressful, but not all the time. I can’t be broken all the time. Too much to get done.

But with the 5 billion things going on, I didn’t finish up my chapters for Brittaney (slipped my mind, can’t imagine why) and so now I feel like an extra super failure for not writing like I was supposed to. And with me being gone for two weeks, I’ll be even more behind on my writing, unless I take a laptop or notebook and some printed stuff with me to work on while I’m gone. But then I have to do a lot of hoping that I don’t end up too exhausted to write.

And I honestly am so freaking ready to just pack up and leave for Orlando. So ready. But I have a little over a week until I actually leave, so there is still waiting to be done. Luckily, not much. But the stress relief will do wonders for my health, I’m sure. If not physically, then at least mentally. I need my happy place.

 Despite the bad stuff, I am sketching more, and obviously the desire to write is there. Even with the chaos of the week, I did some writing. I just didn’t make it to my goal. I even worked on some outline stuff for NaNoWriMo to prepare for November.

 My creativity is willing to jump in and distract me from the pain and stress and everything else until I can escape for a while to refresh my mind, body, and soul.

Hopefully soon I can start sharing some art with you guys regularly, and possibly even have some to sell. But for now, I just sketch and practice and work away at being better.

Until next time,

~Angel

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“I’ll be dead before the day is gone.”

deadbeforethedayisgone

Taken in my field earlier.

Stress is a happy little erosion eating every single bit of happiness from my life. I lose sight of everything because I can’t get a grip on anything, and before I know it, life is spiraling out of my control. It’s crunch time. I don’t need this right now. And it never fails – one step forward, ten steps back. Get something handled or some good news, only to have it all followed up by a series of bad. No matter how hard I try to keep moving forward, I get kicked in the teeth and knocked on my ass.

I am tired.

After my surprise (and somewhat miserable failure) going away party for Skylar, when I was pulling into my driveway, I stopped in the field and got out of the car. Because I’m stressed, and sick, and exhausted, and honestly.. I’m just not sure what to do anymore.

And there it is. The forest. The field. The sunset. Calling me. Some desperate begging from the earth to just go. Leave. Forget everything and explore.

Obviously, I didn’t run off on some grand adventure. But I did walk around for a few minutes, taking in the quiet and letting myself calm down. I don’t feeling one-hundred percent better, but I’m not having a panic attack at least.

And it’s peaceful in the deep
Cathedral where you cannot breathe
No need to pray, no need to speak
Now I am under all

And it’s breaking over me
A thousand miles down to the sea bed
Found the place to rest my head
Never let me go

I really could use that vacation right now. Is it the 17th yet? Because I’d greatly like to not be Angel for a little while. Oh well. Until later,

~Angel