Posts Tagged ‘sickness’

My health has been a bit… questionable the past several months, with 2014 deciding to be especially brutal for me. I haven’t been too well to post much, especially about what all was going on, until just the last little bit. So here I sit, ready to spill my guts about all the health type things. Bad before the good, right?

Well, I was sick for a bit in early January with some sort of upper respiratory infection that left me miserable and hardly functioning for a week. That was bad enough. But not long after that, I believe January 18th,  I woke up with some unpleasant lower back pain. It wasn’t comfortable, but I dealt with it all day. The next morning I felt fine for a while, but by that night, I was screaming in my mom’s bathroom floor, convinced I was dying. I am not one to go to the ER for just anything – I literally have to be convinced I’m going to die. The only other time I had been, I was still refusing to go. But this instant? I was begging for my mom to take me. I couldn’t find a comfortable position, and was vomiting. I was sure that my organs were shutting down and I wouldn’t even live long enough to make it to the hospital.

The nurses in the ER hooked me up to an IV and started some fluids, anti-nausea medication, and a pain killer. They took a urine specimen, blood, and sent me for a CT. To my surprise, the doctor said I had a HowIRolltiny kidney stone that would pass on it’s own. I felt ridiculous, but also relieved. The nurse, however, when getting ready to discharge me, mentioned something else  –  a left ovarian mass. The doctor had forgotten that part. He prescribed me an antibiotic and Tylenol and sent me on my way.

A day or two later, a nurse from the ER called me. She insisted I see a Urologist about my kidney stone and follow up with my doctor about my ovarian mass so I could get an MRI. This phone call really bothered me, so we had them send my CT report to work. Sure enough, there was a big ol’ spot on my left ovary. And something that bothered me just as much – especially since I was still having pain where my stone was… Not only was my kidney stone bigger than the ER doctor said,

It was stuck.

The technical way we could phrase that is an obstructing kidney stone that caused a small rupture. Yup. It said rupture. In other words, I had some leaking fluid coming out because my kidney is a spoiled brat.

Later that week, we did get the MRI done for the sake of my ovary, which showed it was slightly larger even and appeared cystic. Then we did an ultrasound to check on my kidney stone – my kidney was still swollen, which meant I likely still had it stuck. The next week, I went to see a Urologist.

I was hoping for some magical pill or treatment procedure that did not involve scaring me senseless. Unfortunately for me, the doctor said I needed to have a procedure done the following week. The whole shebang – putting me to sleep, going in and using a laser to remove the stone, then putting a stent in for a week. Since I’ve never had a procedure in which I needed to be admitted and have something put into my body while I’m unconscious, I was pretty nervous.

And I can assure you, the stent was NOT MY FRIEND.

I spent a week and two days with pain and constant discomfort before we could remove it, which meant I had to undergo the same admission process and go back to sleep, the whole nine yards, just to take it out. But I was completely ready and willing to have that thing removed. Ick.

Anyway, I have a Urology follow up Monday and meet my new Rheumatologist Wednesday, so expect another health related post in the near future.

makenicethings

~Angel

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out of the sickroom and into the white blazing sun

 

hey, you’re not dead, youre
doing good, damned good again,
what’s this talk about tossing it
in?
what you were doing while you
were feeling sick enough
to die,
what you were really doing was just re-
charging your
batteries.
now let everybody get
out of the way,
you’re thundering
down the track again
like a locomotive
hauling 90 thousand
unwritten poems
and they’re all
yours
and you’re pounding along
the rails
sometimes through dark tunnels
but then roaring out again
into the
light!
who the hell said that
you no longer had it in
you?
it was you who said that.
the engineer.
who is now
feeling the fresh surge of
hope and
power
and who is
grinning madly at the
thought of this
wonderful
new
day.

– Charles Bukowski

So, some of you may already be aware of the fact I had my very first rheumatology appointment on Tuesday. I’ve been so worn out, Ipromise haven’t had the chance to update you. To sum it up fairly simply:

Lots and lots of tests. Twenty tubes of blood drawn. Trying to rule out lots of things: fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Lupus, horrible “c” word which shall not be named, etc. So far, from the lab work I’ve seen and my regular doctor looked at, I’m coming up positive for some sort of connective tissue disease. But what I’m going to end up with as a diagnoses is really up in the air still. I have a follow-up the 26th to go over my labs and see what the next steps will be, or if she has any answers for me.

And while I’m scared to death it’s going to be something life-altering, no cure, or fatal – I am very relieved about something: I’m not crazy. Well, not about this (ha.)

I have PROOF of something being wrong with these test results. There is something here that shows I’m not lying, and it isn’t all in my head. The Mysterious Sickness of Doom may have a NAME. You have no idea the relief that brings me.

Only now I have to keep from worrying myself to death that it’s something that’ll take me out sooner rather than later.

In other news, I’m slowly but surely getting through the revisions on my WIP. My Beta reader is keeping me motivated by taking on a chapter at a time, and I have to keep up by getting these chapters ready. So far, so good. And really, I’ve been needing this outlet to make me relax with the large amount of stress hitting me in the face. Keep Calm and Write Something. It’s that simple.

Anyway, I’m off. Much to do.

~Angel

“I wasted time, and now doth time waste me.”
  ~William Shakespeare

I have a doctor’s appointment in the city with a specialist on Tuesday to further investigate the Mysterious Sickness of Doom. Almost a whole year now with only fractions of answers and no real completed puzzle.

And I cannot deny the amount of fear that’s been eating at me. What if I don’t get better? What if I find out something terrible? What if it keeps getting worse?

What if I’m the next funeral?

And I can’t stand it right now. I can’t sleep. I can’t think. I want to ask for some help, but I really don’t know what to say or do. So I just sit here. And I wonder. And I can’t sleep.

I think about the wasted time. Then realize I’m wasting more time. Like I am now.

Because I am mortal. I am afraid. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is very wrong.

I really need to convince myself to go to sleep.

~Angel