Posts Tagged ‘salem’

“I think I’ll wait another year,
It’ll be the best year ever.”

If you haven’t listened to Amanda Palmer’s “Another Year”, go do it immediately. This song is on to Top 5 list of the soundtrack of my life, I swear.

tolive

Now, I have done many, many things in my life. I’ve worked in a haunted house, and a Halloween costume/supply store. I’ve left the country. Twice. Swam with dolphins. Also twice. I attended a writing conference in New York with Best Selling authors and agents and other passionate writer people like myself, and even read part of a manuscript out loud to two agents (both of which were interested in reading more) – before I started my senior year of High School. I’ve been to Orlando four times. I’ve been to Boston and Salem. I’ve been to Chicago, New Orleans, and Nashville for cons. I’ve been to James Marsters birthday party. Sean Patrick Flanery has called my boyfriend and made me blush, and just been an all around awesome dude to me. David Della Rocco kissed my cheek. I’ve met amazing actors, artists, comedians, authors, etc. I’ve met Stan Lee. Multiple times. I met Robert Englund and cried. I’ve been to Batman Live!, Wicked, Phantom of the Opera, and a variety of other plays and shows. I’ve had VIP passes and been allowed into areas others have dreamed of. I’ve shot fashion shows, had photos and articles published, and occasionally feel like maybe I’m going in the right direction.

And so, so much more. So many people and places I can’t even list them all.

But, I somehow still want more. I have worked myself to death to feel like I’m somewhere, or doing something, and not wasting my life behind a desk at a day job.

It feels like I have been stuck in a state of Almost Something. I have almost been published. Almost graduated with my degree as an Art major. Almost stepped up to the next level in photography. Almost almost almost. But I don’t won’t to fall short anymore. I want to move from Almost Something into Definitely Something.

So, next year, I will try to do more. I will try to top everything I’ve already done, just because I have the drive to do it. I don’t want to live an average life. It will drive me insane. I want to feel like I’ve accomplished things and lived a life I was proud of by the time I’m dead.

I’m working on a list right now of things to do in 2015. Because while 2014 had some very good things, it also had some horrible things. And I want more good days than bad. I’ll post a finished list closer to New Years Eve, but there are some points I will definitely touch on:

I will do something writing related, whether it’s a published novel, or another article. Even a baby step forward is better than a stand still.

I will work on my photography more. Because I miss it. Because I need it. I will do shoots and get my work out there.

I will do something more with my art. It’s improving, though not quite where it was art. I would love to start selling prints and pieces to people.

Travel. Experiences. Health.

There is no point in wasting time, when there are adventures out there waiting for me. I just need to seize the chances I’m presented with.

~Angel

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plane

“Never say ‘no’ to adventures. Always say ‘yes,’ otherwise you’ll lead a very dull life.”

— Ian Fleming

It’s stirring inside of me again. An overwhelming desire to pack up my bags and load the car, head onto the interstate or go to the airport. I need adventure again. I need to wander the streets of New Orleans, entranced by the music at every corner. I need to let go in Salem, dancing at circle on a sabbat with strangers, lost in the incredible connection of energy. I need Boston, out on the boat surrounded by whales. I need Chicago, listening to James Marsters sing before having dinner at his birthday party. I need Orlando, where I can hop on a ride and take on a new life for a few moments. I need to go. I need to see something other than the middle of nowhere.

 I don’t want to have to fight anymore,
I’m tired.
I don’t want to have to feel anymore,
uninspired.

It helps me with so much when I travel. My body may become physically exhausted, but my mind is clear and stress is relieved for oh-so-long while I’m away from my regular life. I feel like writing and creating and just aiming for the stars. I am reminded I can be more, and it wakes the muse inside my head.

So long my flame, my warmth, my fear, my fight,
The road’s calling again tonight.
Dreaming under street lights,
Maybe I’ll catch a train to Rome,
See the world until I can’t go on,
Then maybe I’ll come traveling home.

But sometimes, other people don’t exactly get that. So, again, I’m faced with people telling me I really need to consider my priorities, and buy a house and settle down, an do all of these things I couldn’t just do even if I wasn’t traveling so much. But the people telling me again and again, like they’re scolding a child, that I need to stay put a while don’t understand. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy in one place. Even if it’s just occasionally going to Orlando or something – I need to get away for a bit to function correctly. It seems that is the best medicine for me. It isn’t that I don’t love the people I have here, or anything. I just need a reset on occasion.

‘Cause when the road takes it’s toll
And these cities come and go
Filled with people I don’t know
You’ll be in my heart
And I’ll dream of where you are tonight.

So I’m going through a balancing act: save save save for adventures, and save save save for responsible adult life. And even though that still isn’t enough, at least I feel comfortable knowing I’m trying to manage what I want from my life, and what everyone else expects.

TooMuchToAsk

Maybe I’ll go it all alone
See the world and make my way back home
Or maybe I’ll keep traveling on

Either way, I will keep going. I will write. I will create. I will venture out into the world. I will find a home somewhere, some way, and I will build the life that fits what I need. But I will not give up or give in. I will continue to occasionally pack a suitcase and go somewhere else, even if it’s just a few days.

And if travel is like love, it is, in the end, mostly because it’s a heightened state of awareness, in which we are mindful, receptive, undimmed by familiarity and ready to be transformed. That is why the best trips, like the best love affairs, never really end.

~Angel