Posts Tagged ‘quote’

It’s time to revisit the Black Widow “Avengers” quote I posted a year or two back:

“I’ve got red on my ledger. I’d like to wipe it out.”

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I don’t think I fully conveyed what I wanted to get across in the original post I made in regard to this quote. And since I see that post still gets quite a few views, I thought I should define it a little better.

There are things in my life that I feel like I owe. Things I feel like I am responsible for with my life. This could easily go back to the infamous Spider-Man quote:

 “With great power comes great responsibility.”

In my world, these two quotes go very well together.

I feel like an incredibly guilty person. There are things I have done and regret. There are things I feel like I owe the universe in return for everything I have received and don’t feel like I entirely deserve.

But one of the biggest things that haunts me is when someone dies. A friend, a child, a good person. Suddenly a life is gone from this world, a light blown out, and somehow that makes me even more aware of my own life and what is being done with it.

And then I become Angel. the Girl Who Wants to Save the World.

I become the girl who does random acts of kindness, not to earn religious brownie points, not to ‘look good’, not for any reason other than I know it’s good and I need more good things in my life, because they make me happy. Helping other people just honestly makes me happy. It makes me feel like my existence isn’t a waste of air.

My ledger is gushing red still, but I use these good things to help wipe it out in my own mind.

Because in my mind, I don’t deserve to be alive. Not compared to some of these people that have died.

I have to live the best life I can. I have to travel and love and live, I have to put more good out into the world. For them. For all of the lives that ended too soon.

So, I try to brighten the days of others. I try to make people laugh when they want to cry. I try to show people an alternative to just the mundane routine, or to the destructive lifestyles. I try to inspire. I try to donate where I can, or raise money. I try to support the dreams of others, because we all seem to die the moment our dreams do. I try to give, big things and little things. Because not everyone has the same opportunities that I have had. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have the power to help them get those same chances.

I have a great power, and I am responsible for making the most of it. And I am. I will continue to do so.

I know this is a weird post, but I feel like I needed an adequate follow-up to the first “Red on my ledger” post.

~Angel

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Things will look up.

Posted: June 2, 2013 by Angel Young in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

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So, some of you may already be aware of the fact I had my very first rheumatology appointment on Tuesday. I’ve been so worn out, Ipromise haven’t had the chance to update you. To sum it up fairly simply:

Lots and lots of tests. Twenty tubes of blood drawn. Trying to rule out lots of things: fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Lupus, horrible “c” word which shall not be named, etc. So far, from the lab work I’ve seen and my regular doctor looked at, I’m coming up positive for some sort of connective tissue disease. But what I’m going to end up with as a diagnoses is really up in the air still. I have a follow-up the 26th to go over my labs and see what the next steps will be, or if she has any answers for me.

And while I’m scared to death it’s going to be something life-altering, no cure, or fatal – I am very relieved about something: I’m not crazy. Well, not about this (ha.)

I have PROOF of something being wrong with these test results. There is something here that shows I’m not lying, and it isn’t all in my head. The Mysterious Sickness of Doom may have a NAME. You have no idea the relief that brings me.

Only now I have to keep from worrying myself to death that it’s something that’ll take me out sooner rather than later.

In other news, I’m slowly but surely getting through the revisions on my WIP. My Beta reader is keeping me motivated by taking on a chapter at a time, and I have to keep up by getting these chapters ready. So far, so good. And really, I’ve been needing this outlet to make me relax with the large amount of stress hitting me in the face. Keep Calm and Write Something. It’s that simple.

Anyway, I’m off. Much to do.

~Angel

Life has a funny way of kicking you right in the teeth in the worst way right when you really can’t handle it.

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The above comment was left on my post “Reflection”, in which I talked about my issues with substance abuse and friends and everything. Whitney is one of the most beautiful people I have ever known, inside and out. She was kind, loving, and saw past the worst in people. Unfortunately, a few days after her comment was left, she passed away. She died on a Friday night, at age 23. I found out Saturday morning. I can honestly say, it shattered my world.

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There isn’t much I can think of to say. My brain is still a jumbled mess. But Whitney was an incredible person, full of life and love and laughter. She would be there for her friends and family no matter what and do her best to help. We’ve had many long talks, goofy trips to St Louis for photo shoots and movies and mall shopping. She was one of the best friends a girl could ask for. That anyone could ask for really. Her funeral was proof of that – pack full, with people from every walk of life: different classes, races, religions, people with and without heavy body modification, etc. Whitney loved everyone. And she was very loved in return.

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“And though you’re dead and gone believe me –
Your memory will carry on,
We’ll carry on.”

I can’t handle typing anymore tonight. I’ll write more later.

~Angel