Posts Tagged ‘orlando’

Friends are the family you choose – Jess C. Scott

Let me get a little bit squishy and weird and sentimental for a moment, because I need to get something out there. This girl with me in these pictures? She can drive me insane. She’s a tad bit weird. We can get into the most ridiculous fights over nothing, because we’re both too stubborn to back down. But…

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Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one. ― C.S. Lewis

This girl is my best friend. She is beautiful and funny (mostly in an absolute dork sort of way), smart and talented. We’ve laughed until we thought our sides would rip open, danced like fools in my car, dressed up like rockstars and acted like we were the coolest of the cool, and confided our secrets when we thought no one else in the world could understand them. We’ve stood awkwardly in line for the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World with T.J. Thyne from the TV show Bones, then ended up riding on the same boat with him:

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We have had great adventures, and some that have been more chaotic than necessary, but usually all are fantastic. Seeing ‘Batman Live!’, seeing WICKED at the Fox Theater, going to Orlando to Universal and Disney World, going to Comic Con together. We’ve been to St Louis for mall shopping and photo shoots. We’ve eaten more Chinese food than I can count. Spent numerous hours working on art together after school. Ridiculous inside jokes. Shared our favorite fandoms and books and movies and everything with each other.

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“It is so good to have friends who understand how there is a time for crying and a time for laughing, and that sometimes the two are very close together.”
― Lois Lowry, A Summer to Die

And the main point I’m getting at, the whole reason I’m even making this post, is because I want her to know – and everyone else – that I am grateful for her, and our friendship. It may not always be sunshine and daisies. I am not the easiest of people to be friends with, by far. And I know I don’t always show people just how much I really love and appreciate them. But she’s been there for me through hell. She helps me out in more ways than I think she even realizes, and there isn’t a thing I could ever do that would feel like I’ve properly repaid her.

She is among my favorite people I’ve come to know in this whole world, and that’s saying something. She is my parabatai, my sister that isn’t a sister.

“I am glad you are here with me. Here at the end of all things, Sam.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

~Angel

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Part One – Angel Young: The Dark Inside

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Part Two – Angel Young: Moments of Light

 

Go check them out! We discuss quite a bit!

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”   — Ralph Waldo Emerson

There will be days we all feel like we are at our limits. We feel like we are giving 120% and that it just isn’t enough. There are days we all want to curl up on the floor and scream, “I GIVE UP!”

Yeah. Well. Yesterday was a day that had me fighting that urge to curl up on the floor and quit. Actually, more like this past week. It happens. Sometimes, more often than I would like. Sometimes I get to have a good day, and before I know it I’m right back to my breaking point. I’m being pulled a million directions and coming up more lost than I’ve ever been.

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I’m making the adjustments that I can: making the best choices for adventures to save myself money, while making sure I still get to do what I was wanting to do; I’m slowly but surely rebuilding my savings account for responsible adult stuff, like getting my own place or a new car, etc. I’m trying to convince myself to not abuse this mind or body, but to instead fully embrace life despite everything else going on.

But I can’t lie – it’s hard. I get discouraged and don’t treat my body like I should. I let my depression get the better of me and start to lose hope on things ever working out.

I’m doing the best I can, though, which is all you can do. I’m making myself read and write when I can. I’m trying to get out in the pool when I can, even if my body is too tired for that nonsense. I’m saving money and planning things and using every distraction in the book to make myself not lose my marbles (or what’s left of them, rather.)

Expect more pleasant updates soon, about things that hopefully do not revolve around my struggles, and instead focus on good things or writing things or anything else really.

~Angel

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“Never say ‘no’ to adventures. Always say ‘yes,’ otherwise you’ll lead a very dull life.”

— Ian Fleming

It’s stirring inside of me again. An overwhelming desire to pack up my bags and load the car, head onto the interstate or go to the airport. I need adventure again. I need to wander the streets of New Orleans, entranced by the music at every corner. I need to let go in Salem, dancing at circle on a sabbat with strangers, lost in the incredible connection of energy. I need Boston, out on the boat surrounded by whales. I need Chicago, listening to James Marsters sing before having dinner at his birthday party. I need Orlando, where I can hop on a ride and take on a new life for a few moments. I need to go. I need to see something other than the middle of nowhere.

 I don’t want to have to fight anymore,
I’m tired.
I don’t want to have to feel anymore,
uninspired.

It helps me with so much when I travel. My body may become physically exhausted, but my mind is clear and stress is relieved for oh-so-long while I’m away from my regular life. I feel like writing and creating and just aiming for the stars. I am reminded I can be more, and it wakes the muse inside my head.

So long my flame, my warmth, my fear, my fight,
The road’s calling again tonight.
Dreaming under street lights,
Maybe I’ll catch a train to Rome,
See the world until I can’t go on,
Then maybe I’ll come traveling home.

But sometimes, other people don’t exactly get that. So, again, I’m faced with people telling me I really need to consider my priorities, and buy a house and settle down, an do all of these things I couldn’t just do even if I wasn’t traveling so much. But the people telling me again and again, like they’re scolding a child, that I need to stay put a while don’t understand. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy in one place. Even if it’s just occasionally going to Orlando or something – I need to get away for a bit to function correctly. It seems that is the best medicine for me. It isn’t that I don’t love the people I have here, or anything. I just need a reset on occasion.

‘Cause when the road takes it’s toll
And these cities come and go
Filled with people I don’t know
You’ll be in my heart
And I’ll dream of where you are tonight.

So I’m going through a balancing act: save save save for adventures, and save save save for responsible adult life. And even though that still isn’t enough, at least I feel comfortable knowing I’m trying to manage what I want from my life, and what everyone else expects.

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Maybe I’ll go it all alone
See the world and make my way back home
Or maybe I’ll keep traveling on

Either way, I will keep going. I will write. I will create. I will venture out into the world. I will find a home somewhere, some way, and I will build the life that fits what I need. But I will not give up or give in. I will continue to occasionally pack a suitcase and go somewhere else, even if it’s just a few days.

And if travel is like love, it is, in the end, mostly because it’s a heightened state of awareness, in which we are mindful, receptive, undimmed by familiarity and ready to be transformed. That is why the best trips, like the best love affairs, never really end.

~Angel

 

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Note: I found this on Tumblr, and I’m not sure of the artist 😦 But I do not claim this as my own art. If I find the artists name, I will give credit.

I like to imagine that my muse looks like all of the fan art versions of Notebook from Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared.

Anyway,

So here I am, sitting around with stress and excitement and I’m just about to burst at the seams. Lots going on and so much positive to focus on that the stress of it all almost doesn’t matter. Almost. Because, you know, stress matters since it takes a lot out of you. And mine is taking a lot out of me, usually more than I have to give it.

But that isn’t what matters.

What matters is that I feel better. Obviously, not health better. But mentally and emotionally, I feel like I can handle this. I feel like I’m finally taking chunks of my life back and making my life everything that it can be.

And why, you may ask? What all do I have going on to be so positive about?

 

I’ll tell you:

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 BEHOLD. This is my excitement level. 

First things first: I’m proud of myself for bringing my creative needs back to the Priority List. I mean, I’m not writing every single day, or selling books, or painting gorgeous pieces, or submitting more photos to magazines… But I am drawing. I am writing. I am working on this site. I am (slowly) booking shoots again. It’s more than just whining about needing to do these things. Instead, I am. It’s just baby steps for now.

Except, I should have a shiny new in-print article in my hot little hands before long. I’ll definitely post links and pictures and everything once it’s out. XD

Let’s see, what else is there….

 

Oh, yes – travel plans!

While I do have plans for a trip to Chicago, as well as a quick trip or two to Orlando this year, I have a bigger and better one brewing for Orlando next November (2015) with my beloved friends. And while I’m already incredibly excited… As you can see:

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I’m also using this as motivation for other things in my life. For example, I’m determined to pay down a bunch of bills (medical bills = evil beasties), and make my body healthier. And by healthier, I mean not only thinner and more toned, but actually HEALTHIER. There isn’t much I can do to slow down the Sjogrens, but I can still try to baby my body into maybe calming down naturally. We shall see.

And one more thing:

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I am hosting something incredible, and I still can’t believe I’m this lucky. I’m hosting an event May 1st at 6:30pm, at AMC Theater Farmington, MO to raise money for the Muscular Dystrophy Association. Through the creators of the documentary Legends of the Knight, the people of Tugg.com, and AMC, we are holding a one night only screening of the movie Legends of the Knight, an inspirational documentary about Batman and the way he has touched peoples lives and inspired them to do better things. I’m doing all of this in memory of my friend, Eric, who passed away from complications with his Muscular Dystrophy in 2005 when we were both just 14 years old. To be able to hold the event, the theater has said we must sell out the 67 ticket threshold online to make it happen. Tickets go on sale March 29th.

For one night, we can all feel like Bruce Wayne and give a little back to the community.

 

To buy tickets, or check out more info, go here. You can check out more info at their site, http://www.WEareBATMAN.com

 

So that’s it for now! Stay tuned, folks. I’ve got a few more things up my sleeve. Life is getting interesting.

 

~Angel

PART TWO: A slightly more detailed look at people that need to specifically be mentioned.

  • Whitney:

I still can’t accept that you’re really gone. It seems like every day there’s something I want to tell you or talk to you about, and I can’t just text you or come over and see you anymore. You were someone I could talk to about anything for hours. I miss that. I miss going to take pictures or run around at the mall, like that day we went to see the last Saw movie, eat Chinese food, and went shopping. I remember trying on clothes with you and just having a good day, where we didn’t have anything or anyone else to worry about. I treasure the memories of that day as some of the most peaceful ones I have. I miss you. I wish that we could’ve had more days like that before you left this world. You were a beautiful soul, and my rock when I was too scared and weak to go on alone. I love you. Thank you for watching out for me.

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  • Eric:

It’s a little over two weeks until what should have been your 23rd birthday. I miss you, and it’s hard to believe it’s been 8 and a half years since you died. It still feels like yesterday we were sitting in your room, listening to music and talking, just like we always did. It was a few weeks before you died, and I remember how scared I had felt the 6 months before that – from the moment I found out on Christmas Day, all the way up to that day in June. And I remember leaving, and telling you I loved you and I’d come back soon. But I never did make it back before you died. It haunts me every day. I miss you, I love you, and I couldn’t ask for a better guardian angel. You’re my hero, and where I draw my strength from. I wouldn’t be alive today if it wasn’t for you.

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  • Sam, Jake, John Ray, and Ryan:

The four of you, as well as Eric, were the most important people in my entire world for so long. And I don’t see any of you as much as you deserve. Sometimes it’s because it’s too hard. It’s a shitty excuse, but that’s how it is. I lost touch with John Ray because it hurt too much after his brother died. He reminded me so much of Eric, and I only ever wanted to tell him that I would willingly trade spots with his brother in a heartbeat if I could. I tried to keep up with the rest of you, and sometimes I do, but mostly we just talk online or text or something. I love you all still, but sometimes I can’t handle it. This is something I’ve realized the last few days. I do want to spend more time with you all, but I need to slow other aspects of my life down first. I’m too drained from work and illness to handle the extra strain on my heart and body. I’m sorry. Someday, it will be better again. Sam, we can go get nachos and mountain dew. Jake, we can hang out and watch movies and just be our old selves. Ryan, we’ll stay up all night on the phone talking about everything and anything. I’ll find John Ray someday and try again, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be strong enough. I love you all, and I don’t want to lose you. Ever.

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  • Chris, SP, Tori, Kristin, Josh, Kyle, and the ten trillion other friends I miss spending time with…:

I really, really miss you guys. :/

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  • Lillie and Dica:

I couldn’t love anyone more than I love these two. My own children will have a hard time living up to them lol.

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  • Skylar:

My not-really-but-might-as-well-be little sister, my muse, the Charlie to my Patrick. I’m more than happy to have you along on my adventures, big or small. I love you. I’m so glad you’re back from the army because I missed you so much it made me crazy. Good things are ahead for both of us, and you know I will always be right there when you need me. Take the world by storm, kiddo. I wouldn’t expect anything less.

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  • Brittaney:

Everything I have to say to you, you already know. You’re my best friend, parabatai, the Sam to my Patrick, Luigi to my Mario, Frodo to my Samwise, Ron to my Harry. I love you and our adventures and no matter what happens, I have your back chica.

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  • Taylor:

My Mr. J, my favorite, my heartbeat.

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~Angel

Let me take a moment to explain some of my insanity to you:

People tell me that I’m disconnected from everyone around me. My own boyfriend occasionally tells me that even if we’re in the same room, it feels as though I’m a million miles away. That’s just how I am, I tell them. I’m in my own head a lot. I’m a writer. It happens.

It’s harder to tell them that, especially as of late, I’m usually wishing I was anywhere but where I am. The past few years, I’ve become a recluse that hides away from the regular world. Especially after the start of the Mysterious Sickness of Doom, aka Sjogren’s, started to take control of my life. Between that, and work, and trying to be realistic, a lot of my fire had died out. I’ve become bitter and jealous of the life I was living not that long ago.

Just a few years ago, I was trying to get my first novel published. I had been to New York and met with literary agents, I even nearly had one become my agent. I rubbed elbows with other writers at the Algonquin, went to book signings and releases and had so many advanced signed copies of books from the author friends I had made, that I started doing my own reviews along with other bloggers, leading me to some extra writing gigs. I’d had breakfasts, lunches, and dinners with authors, both New York Times Bestseller’s and Indie writers. All before I turned 18 and started my senior year of High School. I was voted Most Likely to Write a Novel, president of Book Club, and felt like an unstoppable force.

Except that I wasn’t as unstoppable as I had believed, and by the time I was entering my third semester of college, I started to burn out on everything. I wanted to keep my grades up, but I also needed a job, and thought I could magically balance the two out with writing. I did manage it for a little while, until work became my main focus and even school started slipping. Before I knew it, BAM! I was sick, and the rest of my life began to crumble around me. I wasn’t slowing down or losing speed, I had come to a halt altogether.

Just after I recovered enough to return to work, I was already burning out all over again. To cheer me up, my mom and I went to Disney World and Universal Orlando in May 2012, and even though it wiped my energy out, it revived some of my spirit. For a little while, I was starting to get myself back. Yet, just as quickly, it started to fade, because work would eat away at my happiness and I couldn’t find the time or energy or clarity for writing. So I started to do the only thing I knew how to do: I found something useful to do with the money I was making and started planning more things to do.

When I think about it, even though I don’t know the exact moment it happened, that decision was the catalyst. I started out small in December 2012 by going to see Batman Live! and Wicked at the Fox Theatre, both of which stirred up something inside of me that I’d felt after my Orlando trip. I was desperate to hold onto this feeling, and quickly planned a surprise trip to see Wicked again for my best friend and myself.countmeamongthysaints

It didn’t take long for me to be stir crazy all over again, even with my rheumatology appointments keeping me a regular at a few hospitals. So, I went to my first ComicCon in March and met some personal heroes, like Stan Lee, James Marsters, and Tom Felton, to name a few. Again, I was pumped up afterwards, but soon after the excitement started to fade and I was back to the same routine: Work, Sickness. Repeat. I needed something else to distract myself, and so I schemed until I came up with a game plan to go on a real trip. June came, and I returned to Disney and Universal, hoping to reclaim some of that magic that I had the previous year. Packing my bags, heading to the airport, knowing I had all of this excitement ahead – it all revived me. By my last day in Florida, though, I felt like crying. I wasn’t ready to come home. The thought of returning to my previous schedule made me nauseated.

Again, I began to scheme a way out.

Now, by this point, other people were starting to notice I was “blowing” a lot of money. I say “blowing” in quotation marks because I don’t agree with what they’re saying, but they said it all the same. As soon as family, friends, and coworkers learned of my plans to fly to Chicago the weekend before my birthday, I started hearing their concerns:

“Well, Angel, don’t you think you should be saving your energy and money?”

Or, “I don’t understand why you need to run off so much when you never have time for anyone around you.”

I packed my bags, left for Chicago, and ignored everyone else. I had too much to do in such a short period of time; I didn’t care what anyone else said. So I enjoyed a few days of a con, met some more awesome people, went to my first concert, and even went to James Marsters birthday party. For a few days, I was right back at the top of the world. I had a break from being Angel Young, miserable office monkey and Sjogrens slave. I needed that break. Coming back to reality was a slap in the face and I didn’t take it very well at all.

This explains why, before we even boarded the plane to come home, I was plotting one final escape for 2013. I needed one more fix to get me through until the new year of new adventures. Because this is what I am: I am The Wanderer.

Now, I need to slow Story Time down a bit for you, because that final Big Adventure of 2013 needs to be it’s own post. Because seriously, THIS happened:

theboys (1280x935)….But that story is for another day.

The point is, ladies and gents, that I am dealing with a lot of stress, and a lot of self-reflection. I am coming to a clear realization that I am running from something, likely myself, and that I won’t stop running until I feel like I’ve done whatever it is I need to in order to sleep again. No matter what anyone else has to say about it, I know I have to keep packing my bags and searching for whatever it is out there that I need. Because it isn’t here in small town Missouri. It’s out there in that great wide world I love to explore. And since I’m such a big fan of experiencing life instead of just living day-to-day life, it all seems to work out just fine.

So I’ll continue this line of thought another night this week, hopefully, before catching you up on everything else.

~Angel