Posts Tagged ‘friends’

I’ve been binge-watching the first season of Game of Thrones. That’s more of an FYI than important good news, haha.

 

First things first —

WE DID IT!

LOFK

You may or may not remember me mentioning that I was working on getting this screening of Legends of the Knight to my local AMC in hopes of raising money for the Muscular Dystrophy Association in memory of my friend, Eric. Well… we met our threshold! With FIFTEEN MINUTES TO SPARE! It was a close call, but we made it. We still have 53 seats available, and are taking donations through the site: http://www.tugg.com/events/8559  — if you would be feeling so generous.

So even though I have a fairly stressful week ahead, with my appointments Wednesday and the screening that I’m hosting on Thursday, I’m really pretty excited. This has been a scary wound reopen, but it’s going to be worth it.

What other news do I have to share, you may be wondering? Well, seeing as I am always looking for a way to make something productive out of things otherwise considered “useless” by some people, and I do have a small addiction to projects…

I’ve decided to put my nerdy knowledge and con travels to good use – I’m starting a website called Hail to the Geek, Baby.

HailtotheGeekBaby

It will feature a little bit of everything, from Nerdy News, to con coverage and cosplayers, geek fashion, etc. I want to cover the bases.

Right now, the only functioning thing up and running is the Facebook like page – Hail to the Geek, Baby. I’m planning to launch the site itself next month for Geek Pride Day. Fingers crossed it does well, folks. I’ve already got two staff writers on board, which will take a huge weight off my shoulders.

Well, that’s all I can really say for now, guys. Hopefully some more good news to come!

~Angel

 

I’m just gonna photo-dump my images from April 4th – 6th here for you….:

My best friend, Brittaney, with Matt Smith from Doctor Who.

My best friend, Brittaney, with Matt Smith from Doctor Who.

Myself with Matt Smith and Karen Gillan from Doctor Who.

Myself with Matt Smith and Karen Gillan from Doctor Who.

Brittaney and Bruce Campbell.

Brittaney and Bruce Campbell.

Horrible picture of myself and Adam West. I was too excited to not derp-face it seems.

Horrible picture of myself and Adam West. I was too excited to not derp-face it seems.

Brittaney geeking out over Sean Astin.

Brittaney geeking out over Sean Astin.

Myself, Sean Patrick Flaney, and Brittaney.

Myself, Sean Patrick Flaney, and Brittaney.

Myself, David Della Rocco, and Brittaney. Moments later, he kissed us both :D

Myself, David Della Rocco, and Brittaney. Moments later, he kissed us both 😀

Breaking Bad - Jesse Pinkman's Monte Carlo

Breaking Bad – Jesse Pinkman’s Monte Carlo

SILENCE WILL FALL, DOCTOR.

SILENCE WILL FALL, DOCTOR.

Sean Patrick Flanery REMEMBERS ME FROM WHEN WE MET. He's such a huge inspiration to me, and a gal can't deny he's rather easy on the eyes. Seeing him is always wonderful. Also, he ruined my favorite Boondock Saints shirt for wearing, since he signed it lol.

Sean Patrick Flanery REMEMBERS ME FROM WHEN WE MET. He’s such a huge inspiration to me, and a gal can’t deny he’s rather easy on the eyes. Seeing him is always wonderful. Also, he ruined my favorite Boondock Saints shirt for wearing, since he signed it lol.

David Della Rocco... Can't deny how much I love this man, either. Him and Sean are two of my favorite people I've ever had the privilege of meeting.

David Della Rocco… Can’t deny how much I love this man, either. Him and Sean are two of my favorite people I’ve ever had the privilege of meeting.

Can't forget the AMAZINGNESS which is Sammy and her husband, artist Tommy Castillo - who donated SEVEN SIGNED PRINTS of his art to my Legends of the Knight charity screening for MDA. I collect his art, so this was a huge deal to me. It took everything inside of me not to cry on the spot.

Can’t forget the AMAZINGNESS which is Sammy and her husband, artist Tommy Castillo – who donated SEVEN SIGNED PRINTS of his art to my Legends of the Knight charity screening for MDA. I collect his art, so this was a huge deal to me. It took everything inside of me not to cry on the spot.

 

So there you guys have it, some highlights of my Geek-end the beginning of April. =]

NERD PRIDE!

~Angel

“You have the power to choose the way you see life, and the way you experience life. You can take whatever comes, and make something positive out of it.”

I’m trying so incredibly hard lately to not have a meltdown. I can still function under gratuitous amounts of stress, but I can’t deny I’m starting to feel overwhelmed. The weight that gets lifted when I make progress seems to immediately replicate itself in some other way. Obviously, there is work related stress. Everyone has it, and specifically everyone I work with has it. But it’s just a job, and if I can manage to leave the stress of work AT WORK, then I’m fine. Yet constantly something is happening to make that 10+ hour day horrible, and now it’s looking like my workload is going to increase.stresscalories

But there is also the stress of my health, which is a hilarious mess. Reducing stress, as I was medically advised many times to do, is about the only option I have to get my body to attempt to cooperate. I would love less Sjogren’s flares, let me tell you. But not being as capable as I used to be adds more stress. I have so much less energy to accomplish what I need to, which hinders progress, and thus adds to the stress. Not to mention the fury of bad health stuff that has been all of 2014 so far. Hospital bills, test bills, doctor bills, procedure bills… everything. I can’t get out of the bills to save my life. And more are on the way, since I have two appointments April 30th – one new specialist about my ovarian mass/cyst issue, and the other my ENT Oncologist. SO MUCH FUN, RIGHT?! Not an ounce of stress or dread there…

Oh, but the fun doesn’t get to end there. (It never does.)

My Legends of the Knight screening for Muscular Dystrophy isn’t selling as well as I’d hoped, and I have a little over a week to pull off some miracles. But it’s making me bitter and eating at my faith in other people. I know I just need to push harder, and when I feel overwhelmed I should step back and take a deep breath. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m terrified it will fail when I had my heart set on it. For now, I can only keep pushing forward.

Not to mention, I’m getting more and more frustrated with myself for not progressing any farther in terms of my manuscript and the edits that it needs. I’m obviously growing tired of not getting anywhere and burning out on the day job. Writer Angel and Artsy Angel want my full attention, and they’ve grown tired of Sickly Angel and Day Job Angel. I am a WRITER, dammit.

comeonkid

Let’s not even get into all the things wrong in my personal life. Like a burning desire to have my own place and move forward with my own life. Or trying to fix my car. Or everything.

But at the end of the day, even though I feel like I’m cracking into pieces, I know I have to hold it together and keep trying. This post isn’t about how stressed I am, so much as it is about overcoming said stress.

anewwaytothink

“Choose to live a life of unique greatness, and to give that greatness to your world. In every moment you have the power to choose, so choose the very best.”

I’ve said it a few times: I handle my depression and stress and anxiety without the assistance of any substance. While I agree, we cannot tackle these matters alone, I learned at a young age some of the best advice I had ever been given. At the time, it didn’t seem like good advice whatsoever. In fact, it devastated me and made me feel like no one would help me. But after two failed anti-depressants, I took the time to consider the advice.

What magical words did my doctor give me to completely turn around how I view life? “Learn to deal with it.”

*gasp* WHAT?! That’s so rude! He told a 13 year old coming apart at the seams to just DEAL WITH IT?!

Yeah yeah yeah. I had these thoughts myself. But after time, and some mature thinking, I internalized and reconsidered what this meant, or at least what it could mean for me.

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on.” -Robert Frost

I spent my childhood surrounded by friends and family members that used unhealthy coping methods to deal with their problems. I had friends and family, also, that immediately sought out a medication to make them happy, instead of trying to actually make the attempt to change the situations around them or how they react to the onset of depression or anxiety. So, when my world was crumbling, I didn’t start drinking or smoking or using prescribed or illegal drugs. Instead, I taught myself how to deal with everything.

thewoods

“The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep. “

Robert Frost

To be fair, I won’t lie – it was a rocky start. I didn’t just laugh in the face of Depression like it was some harmless beast and expect to get away with it. No, instead, Depression started to tear me apart. There was a long stretch of time in which I couldn’t stop myself from bodily harm as an instant reaction to my triggers – it started small, by biting off chunks of flesh in my mouth or shredding my cuticles or jamming my fingertips into sharp objects. Eventually it led to more aggressive versions of self-harm, and that’s something I don’t enjoy admitting even at this point in my life, because it was an incredibly dark time that I have a hard time accepting. But it happened. I don’t take pride in it or babble about it to every human I know, and it took a lot of time and love to get myself out of it. Eventually, I did overcome the self mutilation and constant self-loathing. And it was all because I finally learned how to cope in healthy ways.

creativity

I would stay after school and work on artwork for a few hours, go home and dive into my writing. Eventually I started to get somewhere in both areas – I had scholarships and college interviews for my art, I went to New York for my writing and was well on my way to getting an agent. I even started getting some publication. After high school, I started getting into photography. That’s still my coping methods: art, words, pictures. If I need to reboot my brain, I surround myself with creation.

“So I stare into this paper instead of sitting at a cubicle, take all the ugly shit inside and try to make it beautiful.”

As I’ve grown, I have found more methods of distracting myself from the overwhelming waves Depression tries to drown me in: video games, exercise, cleaning, etc. I’ve found  girls nights with my closest friends does wonders for my sanity. As does time with my nieces.

“I’m gonna make it through, you’ll see.
I swear I’ll prove you wrong.
You haven’t seen the last of me.
I am way too strong.
It’s not impossible, you’ll see.
You’ve never been inside my head:
Ten billion burning suns and belief in a strength that can raise the dead.”

I’d like to believe I can inspire this in other people. It’s an incredibly difficult thing to do, to overcome your need for a chemical substance of some form to act as your crutch, and I’m sure there are instances that some people simply cannot handle the world without it. But I think there is a problem with over-medicating people, or people seeking out poor coping methods, instead of healthy or productive ones. We’re taught through example of everyone around us that we can treat the symptoms of our sadness with alcohol or drugs or whatever. That’s the real issue: we treat symptoms, not the problem.

I’m not saying cold-turkey stop your medications you’ve been prescribed, either – that can be incredibly dangerous for your health. But maybe work on finding the positive changes you can make, see if those can help you at all, and then talk to your doctor about lowering your dose or coming off entirely. Or, ignore this all entirely. It’s 100% your life to do what you need to do.

Anyway, I thought I’d open up about a bit of my own struggles and how I cope. I’d like to think I could be of some help to someone who needs it. Or at the very least, letting someone else know they aren’t alone.

~Angel

 

Quick little post for you all….:

nerdy

A good percent of the time, I am met with a lot of disrespectful comments because of my tattoos/appearance, general interests, career goals, etc. This is especially frequent in my job. However, after an extremely unpleasant instance of this today, in which you’d think because I have tattoos I kick puppies or something, I ended up having a wonderful conversation with a work associate about our nerdy interests and such, as we normally do, and how I remind her of her daughter and my advice has been awesome and journeys etc. and how she adores the general comradery of most legitimately passionate nerd-folk. We briefly touched on my own appreciation because of instances like earlier, and she agreed it made no sense. We talked about some different things off topic that I am doing or have done of any interest, and she said “Wow. See? You’ve done more and aspire for more than all those people combined, and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.” I agreed. We also discussed her daughter finally realizing that being a nerd-minded girl wasn’t something to be ashamed of, but rather to embrace.
I told her she was exactly right, because despite the negativity for my tattoos, or the double-standards these days regarding ‘nerds’ (hot people with a nerdy interest being totally cool, but a passionate but supposedly unattractive nerd…. absolute social suicide), and the like… I’d rather be completely true to myself and not compromise for anyone, than to change or suppress who I am because of people that don’t even know me.
This conversation turned my entire day around. NERD PRIDE!

~Angel

Listentoyourheart

Note: I found this on Tumblr, and I’m not sure of the artist 😦 But I do not claim this as my own art. If I find the artists name, I will give credit.

I like to imagine that my muse looks like all of the fan art versions of Notebook from Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared.

Anyway,

So here I am, sitting around with stress and excitement and I’m just about to burst at the seams. Lots going on and so much positive to focus on that the stress of it all almost doesn’t matter. Almost. Because, you know, stress matters since it takes a lot out of you. And mine is taking a lot out of me, usually more than I have to give it.

But that isn’t what matters.

What matters is that I feel better. Obviously, not health better. But mentally and emotionally, I feel like I can handle this. I feel like I’m finally taking chunks of my life back and making my life everything that it can be.

And why, you may ask? What all do I have going on to be so positive about?

 

I’ll tell you:

DHMIS

 BEHOLD. This is my excitement level. 

First things first: I’m proud of myself for bringing my creative needs back to the Priority List. I mean, I’m not writing every single day, or selling books, or painting gorgeous pieces, or submitting more photos to magazines… But I am drawing. I am writing. I am working on this site. I am (slowly) booking shoots again. It’s more than just whining about needing to do these things. Instead, I am. It’s just baby steps for now.

Except, I should have a shiny new in-print article in my hot little hands before long. I’ll definitely post links and pictures and everything once it’s out. XD

Let’s see, what else is there….

 

Oh, yes – travel plans!

While I do have plans for a trip to Chicago, as well as a quick trip or two to Orlando this year, I have a bigger and better one brewing for Orlando next November (2015) with my beloved friends. And while I’m already incredibly excited… As you can see:

MOTIVATION2

I’m also using this as motivation for other things in my life. For example, I’m determined to pay down a bunch of bills (medical bills = evil beasties), and make my body healthier. And by healthier, I mean not only thinner and more toned, but actually HEALTHIER. There isn’t much I can do to slow down the Sjogrens, but I can still try to baby my body into maybe calming down naturally. We shall see.

And one more thing:

LOFK

 

I am hosting something incredible, and I still can’t believe I’m this lucky. I’m hosting an event May 1st at 6:30pm, at AMC Theater Farmington, MO to raise money for the Muscular Dystrophy Association. Through the creators of the documentary Legends of the Knight, the people of Tugg.com, and AMC, we are holding a one night only screening of the movie Legends of the Knight, an inspirational documentary about Batman and the way he has touched peoples lives and inspired them to do better things. I’m doing all of this in memory of my friend, Eric, who passed away from complications with his Muscular Dystrophy in 2005 when we were both just 14 years old. To be able to hold the event, the theater has said we must sell out the 67 ticket threshold online to make it happen. Tickets go on sale March 29th.

For one night, we can all feel like Bruce Wayne and give a little back to the community.

 

To buy tickets, or check out more info, go here. You can check out more info at their site, http://www.WEareBATMAN.com

 

So that’s it for now! Stay tuned, folks. I’ve got a few more things up my sleeve. Life is getting interesting.

 

~Angel

So, I recently watched (and then rewatched) Bo Burnham’s “what.” – which I’ll refer to as a comedy special, even though his performance was that and so much more. Look him up on YouTube if you aren’t easily offended. And even if you are… get over it for a few minutes. He’s a breath of fresh air and brings me great joy, even on dark days.

Point is, his final segment is incredibly inspiring to me:

Hopefully, you watched the video.

Anyway. I have this problem a lot with random friends, acquaintances, family, etc. Whenever stuff is going right in my life – i.e. New article/photo published, new interview, I mention filming, or they see a new profile pic of me and a celebrity… and BAM! Suddenly, I have a whole group of people come out of the woodwork that are suddenly my BFFs and closest of close family members, when 90% NEVER TALK TO ME EVER. 80% I’m pretty sure have never even LIKED me. Friends of a friend’s friend are suddenly messaging me like I’ve known them for years. While I am not opposed to new friends, I don’t appreciate the awkwardness of one you can just tell from the start isn’t genuine. Especially if the conversation drifts to…:

So, I saw that picture of you and [insert celebrity/author/artist/whatever here], and I’m a huuuuge fan, could you introduce us?”

You’re drawings are amazing! Would you draw me [insert random picture here]? What’s a commission? You mean you’d charge a FRIEND?” (Mind you, there are friends and instances I AM fine with this. But those are my long term friends, or people I wanted to draw anyway, etc.)

I heard you’re trying to get a book published! You should give me a copy when it comes out!” (Yes, because what I really want to do when I’m trying to make a living off of my writing is give people I never talk to free copies. Sheesh.)

You can use me as a model, because I totally would love to have some shots taken… But none of that weird stuff. Like, I want some normal pictures. What do you mean you want paid for that?!” (Unless I find your face or the project we’d be working on together incredibly beneficial to my photography portfolio, it’s not too likely that I’m going to take some free pictures for you. I need to be able to make at least enough to cover the gas I used to get to the shoot. Otherwise, what’s the point?)

And really, I could just keep going on and on and on…

BelowYou

The point is, I’m not one above helping people out. I am fairly reasonable and usually can work something out with people when I know their financial situation may be a little strained or something. I’m also a fairly big fan of exchange – for a small favor or assistance in something, I’m usually willing to work out something. But I can’t give everything away all the time. I would defeat the purpose of creating things to make a living. This is probably a good chunk of the reasoning behind why I’m still working my mind-numbing day job.

But people will always think they know you. People that want something from you. People that are jealous and want to drag you down. People will always try to change you and mold you to best suit their needs. And you know what? Let them try. The people that matter know who YOU are. The friends and family that have stuck by your side even when it was hard, those are the people you can count on.

Let the right people in, and clear out the toxic influences in your life. Use the negativity and stress to fuel your motivation to move forward, instead of letting it hold you back. And I beg you, plead with you —

Don’t let success get to your head, or failure get to your heart.

~Angel

PART TWO: A slightly more detailed look at people that need to specifically be mentioned.

  • Whitney:

I still can’t accept that you’re really gone. It seems like every day there’s something I want to tell you or talk to you about, and I can’t just text you or come over and see you anymore. You were someone I could talk to about anything for hours. I miss that. I miss going to take pictures or run around at the mall, like that day we went to see the last Saw movie, eat Chinese food, and went shopping. I remember trying on clothes with you and just having a good day, where we didn’t have anything or anyone else to worry about. I treasure the memories of that day as some of the most peaceful ones I have. I miss you. I wish that we could’ve had more days like that before you left this world. You were a beautiful soul, and my rock when I was too scared and weak to go on alone. I love you. Thank you for watching out for me.

whit

  • Eric:

It’s a little over two weeks until what should have been your 23rd birthday. I miss you, and it’s hard to believe it’s been 8 and a half years since you died. It still feels like yesterday we were sitting in your room, listening to music and talking, just like we always did. It was a few weeks before you died, and I remember how scared I had felt the 6 months before that – from the moment I found out on Christmas Day, all the way up to that day in June. And I remember leaving, and telling you I loved you and I’d come back soon. But I never did make it back before you died. It haunts me every day. I miss you, I love you, and I couldn’t ask for a better guardian angel. You’re my hero, and where I draw my strength from. I wouldn’t be alive today if it wasn’t for you.

black

  • Sam, Jake, John Ray, and Ryan:

The four of you, as well as Eric, were the most important people in my entire world for so long. And I don’t see any of you as much as you deserve. Sometimes it’s because it’s too hard. It’s a shitty excuse, but that’s how it is. I lost touch with John Ray because it hurt too much after his brother died. He reminded me so much of Eric, and I only ever wanted to tell him that I would willingly trade spots with his brother in a heartbeat if I could. I tried to keep up with the rest of you, and sometimes I do, but mostly we just talk online or text or something. I love you all still, but sometimes I can’t handle it. This is something I’ve realized the last few days. I do want to spend more time with you all, but I need to slow other aspects of my life down first. I’m too drained from work and illness to handle the extra strain on my heart and body. I’m sorry. Someday, it will be better again. Sam, we can go get nachos and mountain dew. Jake, we can hang out and watch movies and just be our old selves. Ryan, we’ll stay up all night on the phone talking about everything and anything. I’ll find John Ray someday and try again, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be strong enough. I love you all, and I don’t want to lose you. Ever.

sam

  • Chris, SP, Tori, Kristin, Josh, Kyle, and the ten trillion other friends I miss spending time with…:

I really, really miss you guys. :/

CREEPSHOWZOONINJASzombies2

WHOOPIMG_0913 (853x1280)100_8471 (1024x768)

spidermancuddlemonsterIMG_2186 (1280x853)

  • Lillie and Dica:

I couldn’t love anyone more than I love these two. My own children will have a hard time living up to them lol.

IMG_1539IMG_1637

dicalillie

  • Skylar:

My not-really-but-might-as-well-be little sister, my muse, the Charlie to my Patrick. I’m more than happy to have you along on my adventures, big or small. I love you. I’m so glad you’re back from the army because I missed you so much it made me crazy. Good things are ahead for both of us, and you know I will always be right there when you need me. Take the world by storm, kiddo. I wouldn’t expect anything less.

1380028_10200241281988357_110482258_n1451511_10200315001351295_796098530_n100_8485 (1024x768)

IMG_1687 (853x1280)skylarMJ1

  • Brittaney:

Everything I have to say to you, you already know. You’re my best friend, parabatai, the Sam to my Patrick, Luigi to my Mario, Frodo to my Samwise, Ron to my Harry. I love you and our adventures and no matter what happens, I have your back chica.

marioandluigi2crackheadstj

o_ohanandlukemagicalbrittaney

  • Taylor:

My Mr. J, my favorite, my heartbeat.

taylor

~Angel

PART ONE – Because I am sick, and tired, and there is a lot to say for some of these and I’d like to give them proper spacing. So, a brief part one.

A lot of people like to post on Facebook something they’re thankful for every day for the month of November, and while that it a lovely idea, it’s not exactly for me. I much prefer my personal tradition of a blog post, something that can be immortalized and referred back to in future months for anyone who wants to read it or needs to, even. Forgive me for any errors made or anyone forgotten, because I’ve been pretty sick the last week or so and I’m still fairly miserable.

  • Simple Things I am Thankful For:

Batman. Breaking Bad. Books. Harry Potter. Adventures. Writing. Art. Doctor Who. Summer nights on the road, windows down and music up. Chinese food. Movie days with my favorite people. Curling up on the couch. My blankets. People that understand. Dreams, inspiration, and motivation. The Boondock Saints. Good memories of people long dead. Being alive when I can think of multiple instances that I should’ve been dead. Hope. Productive insomnia.

waltjesse2

  • Friends:

New friends, old friends. Living friends and dead friends. Former friends and friends I’ve yet to make. Every single one of you meant something to me, or still do. While I may not be around as much as I’d like to these days, thanks to sickness or work or school or whatever… It doesn’t change the fact that I love you all, and wish I could spend more of my time with you. In all honesty, at this point in my life, I should probably be with you all more than be at work. Someday soon, I hope, this will all change. Not all of you have pictures from hanging out recently, but I’d like to change that soon.

ZOONINJASCREEPSHOW

imax

  • Gone but not Forgotten:

Some days are worse than others. Some nights you’re wide awake wondering why you’re alive. Sometimes you have to live the best life you can for more than just yourself. Eric and Whitney, I’m trying. I really am.

our dead

~Angel

BoondockSaintsIt’s no secret that my faaaaaaaavorite movie is The Boondock Saints. I’ve written papers on the techniques used in it for my film class, watched it countless numbers of times, and even have some nifty neato stuff like posters, a canvas print, and a fairly badass lamp. Plus shirts. Etc. You get the idea. This is MY movie.

It also just so happens I’ve gotten to meet the three above individuals (my favorite guys in the movie, too): (from left to right) Sean Patrick Flanery, David Della Rocco, and Norman Reedus. Yes, the very same Norman Reedus that plays Daryl on The Walking Dead. I have hugged the Reedus. He has called me Batman. ALL YOUR JEALOUSY IS UNDERSTANDABLE. lol

BEHOLD THE PICTURE TIME:

1451511_10200315001351295_796098530_nSkylar and I are over-eager and entirely too excited about life.

1380028_10200241281988357_110482258_n

Skylar and my Spider-Vans.

1186206_640702062659389_129511697_nReedus photobomb.

1378870_10200241347549996_1680746604_nI signed David Della Rocco’s table, and this is what he added to it. 😀

1393529_10200241329149536_533857585_nSelfies with Rocco!

Now, a bit of story time for you. Some of you may know that some… shenanigans took place on this adventure. Shenanigans involving myself and Sean Patrick Flanery:

SeanPatrickFlenery

Here’s the story:

Skylar, my mother, and myself took off into Nashville to meet our boys, the first up of the three being Norman Reedus, because we were terrified of Walking Dead stalker girls. While we were waiting,  I eagerly looked around for Norman. Then, something glorious happened. I looked to my left and saw three very familiar faces. I nudged Skylar, who had taken a seat on the floor. “They just walked in,” I whispered. “Seriously, stand up. It’s the boys.”

Skylar jumped up and looked to where I was pointing. Sure enough, there walked Norman Reedus, accompanied by David Della Rocco and Sean Patrick Flanery. My heart was pounding in my chest. This moment made it all worth it, I knew. All of the stress and drama over coming to Nashville, over going on yet another ridiculous trip, was suddenly justified in my mind.

Norman broke away from his pack and walked up to his table, a mass of fans excited behind us cheering at the sight. Skylar and I were shaking while he talked to us before we came up to his table. “I’m going to pass out,” Skylar said. “I can’t believe this is really about to happen – are you seriously staring at Sean Patrick Flanery right now?”

I turned back to Skylar, only slightly embarrassed I had been caught, before returning my attention to Norman Reedus.

I walked up to him first while Skylar tried to compose herself. “Hey, I’m Norman,” he said, shaking my hand.

“I’m Angel,” I said, placing a still shot photo of his character in front of him, followed by a small movie poster.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Angel,” he said. He reached for a sharpie while I reached into my pocket.

“I actually saw you briefly in Chicago, but I didn’t make it up to your table,” I said, sitting a neon green piece of foam shaped like a circle in front of him. “You actually shot me with this.”

To the left, the ammo Skylar was shot with by David Della Rocco. To the right, the ammo Norman Reedus shot me with.

To the left, the ammo Skylar was shot with by David Della Rocco. To the right, the ammo Norman Reedus shot me with.

“Oh yeah! I remember that Nerf gun.” He picked up the ammo off the table. “That’s awesome that you kept it.”

“Not everyone can say Norman Reedus shot them, now I have proof.” We both laughed while he signed my stuff for me. Before I stepped away, he hugged me, and fan girls behind me had a meltdown. I moved out of the way so Skylar could go up to him. She was too nervous to do much other than squeak her name out for him.

“That’s a beautiful name,” he said to her. “I’ve never heard Skylar before.”

When we were walking away, Skylar was shaking. “Norman Reedus just said I had a pretty name.” I patted her on the back and directed her toward Sean Patrick Flanery.

Let me just throw this out there now: I have had a ridiculous crush on this man for more years than I can remember. I didn’t go psycho crazy stalker girl on him or anything, but I could readily admit he was my Hollywood Heartthrob. My heart was ready to explode out of my chest and bounce off the walls from excitement.

When I finally made my way up to him, he shook my hand, and my brain instantly went into ridiculous babble mode. “Hey, I’m Sean.”

“I’m Angel, and this is the greatest moment of my life,” I said. I tried to make it sound a little less creepy by laughing afterwards, but mostly I just tried to keep from staring at his chest.

“Angel, that’s a beautiful name,” he said. “Have you ever heard the song Angel by Jimi Hendrix?”

“I’m not sure,” I said.

“How’re you not sure?” he said, smiling at me.

“Do you realize how many songs have my name in it?” I said. “And how many people show me songs because they have my name in them?”

He laughed and looked down at the photo in front of him. He wrote:sean (1280x1022)

“To Angel:

Angel came down from Heaven yesterday, stayed with me just long enough to rescue me.”

He held the picture up in front of me, “This is the first verse in the song, and my favorite part. It’s a great fucking song. You need to listen to it, alright? Tonight.” I promised him I would. Moments later, we were hugging, and his assistant was taking our picture together, before he generically signed Skylar’s photo.

“He ignored me because he was so focused on you,” Skylar said as we walked up to David Della Rocco.

“I can die happy now,” I said, admiring my picture.

We spent several minutes just talking to David Della Rocco, taking pictures and laughing, before I took Skylar over to wait for Stan Lee. While she stood in her line, I made my way to find my mother, still in the insanity of Norman Reedus fans. By the time she made it out to me, I was eager to see Sean Patrick Flanery again. I grabbed my mother, and toward his table we went.

I’m still sort of lost in the chaos of what happened, because somehow, before I could really grasp what was going on, Sean Patrick Flanery had my phone. That was the only thought I could process at first: Sean Patrick Flanery is using my cellphone. Then it occurred to me what he was saying to me, and who he was calling. “Taylor, right?” he said. “That’s your boyfriend’s name?” I nodded, smiling like the dumbstruck fan girl I was.

Somebody else snagged a photo, not me. I was waaay too busy laughing.

Somebody else snagged a photo, not me. I was waaay too busy laughing.

And then, I could hear him talking to Taylor. On my phone. He was calling my boyfriend, on my phone, and using his Irish accent he used when he played Connor MacManus. With my mother standing beside me, he was yelling at my boyfriend as his character, and saying an embarrassing amount of dirty things he had done and was planning to do with me since my boyfriend let me go off to con alone. Then, he hung up.

Everyone around us was laughing hysterically, and I was blushing brighter than I ever have. Just as Sean moved to hand me my phone back, the screen lit up: Incoming Call. Taylor.

We both dove for the phone, accepting the call in the process, before I finally retrieved my phone and ended the call. “I was going to answer that! It was for me,” Sean said, his grin mischievous. Lost in my girlish crush overload, I finished our conversation up before moving away to call my boyfriend back.

I started out this phone call laughing, still thoroughly entertained by the moment that I just had. But my boyfriend wasn’t as amused, and before I knew it, we were fighting, and my mood was ruined. Somehow, I had reversed the entire purpose of my trip. I went from radiating happiness, to hitting such a low; I only wanted to go back to the hotel.

I perked up long enough that, when I saw the boys a little later for our group photo of myself with Sean, Norman, and David, we all had the chance to joke around about my phone call. The photographer had to get us to settle down, and even moments after we were still goofing off. Sean leaned into my ear before I walked away and said, “I still don’t regret it.”

I told him I didn’t regret it, either.

theboys (1280x935)1375873_10200241607716500_492080940_n

The next day, we stopped by the con to say farewell to our new friends. I was long over my bad mood, and accepted that not everyone could say their boyfriend had a personal issue with Sean Patrick Flanery. I downloaded “Angel” onto my iPod and talked to Sean about how much I adored his recommendation. Finally, we started our drive back to reality.

For six hours, I babbled about my Best Weekend Ever, and kept telling my mother that next time – because there will always be a next time – I would be thinner, and it would be better. These were my boys, and I missed them dearly already. I turned the radio up every time my music shuffled back to “Angel”:

And then she spread her wings high over me. She said she’s gonna come back tomorrow.”

At least I got a fancy new Boondock Saints shirt, which was too small when I bought it, but I’ve been motivated to get skinny since then and it now fits 😉

countmeamongthysaintsWhen I raise my flashing sword, and my hand takes hold on judgment, I will take vengeance upon mine enemies, and I will repay those who hate me. Oh, Lord, raise me to Thy right hand and count me among Thy saints.”

So, there you have it ladies and germs. The trip of crazy wonderful-ness. I wish I could explain it better, but it was one of those You Had To Be There to completely relate lol. Anywho, until next time!

~Angel

 stuck
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

One of these days, whether it’s in ten minutes or 60 years, I will be dead. This is the natural order of things. We’re born, we live, we die. It’s never a fun thing to anyone involved, but there you have it. I like to believe I will have lived the greatest life to my ability by the time that day comes. So, I’m making a list of things I want to do before I die, and I want to achieve them before I’m 35  –  a fair amount of time, really. I’d like to accomplish them all before then with years to spare for a second list. But we’ll see. Some are very serious things, others are a little… silly to some people. But to me, these are some important things. So hang in there with me.

Seven Things I’d Like to Do Before I’m Dead:

  • Finally become a published author. Not for fame or fortune or anything like that ( I understand how rarely that comes out of writing), but rather because I’d like to think there is something there in my words to help get someone else through a difficult time in their life. Books have served as an escape for me all my life, it’s only fair I return the favor.
  • Buy a drink for David Della Rocco. I could easily add extra shiny things to this: Have a drink with David Della Rocco, Sean Patrick Flanery, and Norman Reedus… in the Boondock Saint in New Orleans. But I’m stretching a lot there. Main point is, I admire David Della Rocco quite a lot, and would love to buy him a drink and just converse with him a while about various things. This is a slightly more impossible dream, but who knows.
  • Finally make it to England and Ireland. There is a huge list of places I want to go. HUGE. But I’ve been wanting a trip to England and Ireland both for forever. So let’s get those taken care of.
  • Feel comfortable in my own skin. I’m tired of feeling like I’m some hideous creature compared to literally everyone else. I want to love myself.
  • Make Sean Patrick Flanery proud of me. That sounds ridiculous to a lot of you, I know. But he really is an inspirational guy to me, and earning his respect would mean a lot. He’s one of my favorite actors and my favorite person I’ve ever met. He’s given me the motivation to take control of my life again, and I want him to realize how serious I am about that. I’m the girl with the Jimi Hendrix song for a name. I was a brief few moments in his life, but he was a huge chunk of mine.
  • Help someone else make their dream come to life. I’m a fan of helping people succeed. If I think you can do it, then you can.
  • Live my life as best I can for those that have passed on before me. Alright, this may be a bit rough to do as a ‘before I’m 35’ thing, and has to work until I’m actually dead. But still. I’ve lost too many good people too soon, and I was to carry on for them and live life as best I can for their sake.

 

There are several other things I could add to this, but these are the ones I’ve narrowed it all down to for now. I can work on these things. I’m 23 and have loads of time. But I have to start now. Because in the end, what I want most is to be happy. But I wasn’t born to live an ordinary life in the middle of nowhere. I was put here to do something more with myself and be something more. So, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll try to update as I take scratch these off my list.

Next post, Nashville. I hope.

~Angel