Posts Tagged ‘diseases’

We’ve been playing a game of “What the hell is wrong with me?” for about a year and a half. And now, we finally have some names to throw out there:ImagineSjogrens

Last appointment, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. We discussed the possibility that Lupus is developing. Today I was diagnosed with early stage Sjogren’s.

This is a disease that usually hits menopause age women and older, though it can hit someone my age. It’s just pretty rare. So, if and when I ever have children, I’ll need a high risk OB.

There are ways of managing Sjogren’s to make it more comfortable, but there are no medications specifically for it and no cure. I’m also at risk of serious complications, the big one being Lymphoma. So I have to be on high alert for those symptoms. And Sjogren’s can play brother and sister with Lupus, so we’re predicting that is in the process of possibly developing as well.

Mostly, I’m just dumbfounded that there’s not just ONE name for what’s wrong with me. There’s a few. The biggest relief is that I’m NOT CRAZY. I have proof of something being wrong with me. Something that can be explained.

Now, to just plan how to make these life alterations so I can cope a bit better.

More later,

Angel.

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“I wasted time, and now doth time waste me.”
  ~William Shakespeare

I have a doctor’s appointment in the city with a specialist on Tuesday to further investigate the Mysterious Sickness of Doom. Almost a whole year now with only fractions of answers and no real completed puzzle.

And I cannot deny the amount of fear that’s been eating at me. What if I don’t get better? What if I find out something terrible? What if it keeps getting worse?

What if I’m the next funeral?

And I can’t stand it right now. I can’t sleep. I can’t think. I want to ask for some help, but I really don’t know what to say or do. So I just sit here. And I wonder. And I can’t sleep.

I think about the wasted time. Then realize I’m wasting more time. Like I am now.

Because I am mortal. I am afraid. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is very wrong.

I really need to convince myself to go to sleep.

~Angel