Posts Tagged ‘black widow’

It’s time to revisit the Black Widow “Avengers” quote I posted a year or two back:

“I’ve got red on my ledger. I’d like to wipe it out.”

BW

I don’t think I fully conveyed what I wanted to get across in the original post I made in regard to this quote. And since I see that post still gets quite a few views, I thought I should define it a little better.

There are things in my life that I feel like I owe. Things I feel like I am responsible for with my life. This could easily go back to the infamous Spider-Man quote:

Ā “With great power comes great responsibility.”

In my world, these two quotes go very well together.

I feel like an incredibly guilty person. There are things I have done and regret. There are things I feel likeĀ I owe the universe in return for everything I have received and don’t feel likeĀ I entirely deserve.

But one of the biggest things that haunts me is when someone dies. A friend, a child, a good person. Suddenly a life is gone from this world, a light blown out, and somehow that makes me even more aware of my own life and what is being done with it.

And then I become Angel. the Girl Who Wants to Save the World.

I become the girl who does random acts of kindness, not to earn religious brownie points, not to ‘look good’, not for any reason other than I know it’s good and I need more good things in my life, because they make me happy. Helping other people just honestly makes me happy. It makes me feel like my existence isn’t a waste of air.

My ledger is gushing red still, but I use these good things to help wipe it out in my own mind.

Because in my mind, I don’t deserve to be alive. Not compared to some of these people that have died.

I have to live the best life I can. I have to travel and love and live, I have to put more good out into the world. For them. For all of the lives that ended too soon.

So, I try to brighten the days of others. I try to make people laugh when they want to cry. I try to show people an alternative to just the mundane routine, or to the destructive lifestyles. I try to inspire. I try toĀ donateĀ where I can, or raise money. I try to support the dreams of others, becauseĀ we all seem to die the moment our dreamsĀ do.Ā I try to give, big things and little things. Because not everyone has the same opportunities that I have had. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have the power to help them get those same chances.

I have a great power, and I am responsible for making the most of it. And I am. I will continue to do so.

I know this is a weird post, but I feel like I needed an adequate follow-up to the first “Red on my ledger” post.

~Angel

One of the lines from The Avengers that really struck me was the quote from Black Widow:

“I’ve got red on my ledger; I’d like to wipe it out.”

It’s sort of a quiet motto to how I live my life. Granted, I haven’t committed the same sort of acts that she has, but I have red in my ledger (so to speak) all the same. There are some things in my life that are going to haunt me forever, and all I can really to is try to make up for them with everything else I do. A better way to explain it maybe is how Katniss view “owing” people in the Hunger Games books – that if someone does something for you, you owe them, even if they want nothing in return. You still feel like you OWE them.

I guess some of mine comes from when my best friend, Eric, died two months before my 15th birthday. The 7 year anniversary (terrible word for it, isn’t it?) is coming up in almost exactly a month, so it’s haunting me as it is. Life seems to drain from you when a death hangs onto you like that – I’m alive, he isn’t. I’m alive, seeing movies and having birthdays and falling in love and all that…Ā  But there’s other reasons, too.

Anyway:

Heading out for Orlando at 5am in the morning. I shall post as I can, lovelies.

~Angel

Oh, the awesomeness of the Avengers movie. I’m not gonna get crazy in-depth or anything. I’ve been a comic book junkie since I was a kiddo, and this movie was just all around excellent. So great. =)

Also saw Dark Shadows, the new movie from Tim Burton based off the old TV show of the same name. I did dig it. Makes me wanna watch the old show again.

Moving on…

The above movie related news is probably the best I have to share. I’m still sickly with the Mysterious Sickness of Doom. Still stressed out. Still really wanting to get my life back under control. Still keeping calm and writing something.

I did start some drawings Wednesday and then started painting again Thursday, something I’ve missed quite terribly. Painting is so distracting and makes me feel so much better, it even helped when I had the stomach flu oddly enough. And for a little while Thursday, it really did make me feel great.

But still, everything is crazy and making me wish I could just curl up and sleep all day. I’m cleaning my house tomorrow with my best friend, and leaving next week for vacation. So much to do.

It may be better to move on and to let life just carry on and I may be wrong. Still I’ll try.

Because it’s better to love whether you win or lose or die. It’s better to love and I will love you until I die.

~Angel