Posts Tagged ‘another year’

“I think I’ll wait another year,
It’ll be the best year ever.”

If you haven’t listened to Amanda Palmer’s “Another Year”, go do it immediately. This song is on to Top 5 list of the soundtrack of my life, I swear.

tolive

Now, I have done many, many things in my life. I’ve worked in a haunted house, and a Halloween costume/supply store. I’ve left the country. Twice. Swam with dolphins. Also twice. I attended a writing conference in New York with Best Selling authors and agents and other passionate writer people like myself, and even read part of a manuscript out loud to two agents (both of which were interested in reading more) – before I started my senior year of High School. I’ve been to Orlando four times. I’ve been to Boston and Salem. I’ve been to Chicago, New Orleans, and Nashville for cons. I’ve been to James Marsters birthday party. Sean Patrick Flanery has called my boyfriend and made me blush, and just been an all around awesome dude to me. David Della Rocco kissed my cheek. I’ve met amazing actors, artists, comedians, authors, etc. I’ve met Stan Lee. Multiple times. I met Robert Englund and cried. I’ve been to Batman Live!, Wicked, Phantom of the Opera, and a variety of other plays and shows. I’ve had VIP passes and been allowed into areas others have dreamed of. I’ve shot fashion shows, had photos and articles published, and occasionally feel like maybe I’m going in the right direction.

And so, so much more. So many people and places I can’t even list them all.

But, I somehow still want more. I have worked myself to death to feel like I’m somewhere, or doing something, and not wasting my life behind a desk at a day job.

It feels like I have been stuck in a state of Almost Something. I have almost been published. Almost graduated with my degree as an Art major. Almost stepped up to the next level in photography. Almost almost almost. But I don’t won’t to fall short anymore. I want to move from Almost Something into Definitely Something.

So, next year, I will try to do more. I will try to top everything I’ve already done, just because I have the drive to do it. I don’t want to live an average life. It will drive me insane. I want to feel like I’ve accomplished things and lived a life I was proud of by the time I’m dead.

I’m working on a list right now of things to do in 2015. Because while 2014 had some very good things, it also had some horrible things. And I want more good days than bad. I’ll post a finished list closer to New Years Eve, but there are some points I will definitely touch on:

I will do something writing related, whether it’s a published novel, or another article. Even a baby step forward is better than a stand still.

I will work on my photography more. Because I miss it. Because I need it. I will do shoots and get my work out there.

I will do something more with my art. It’s improving, though not quite where it was art. I would love to start selling prints and pieces to people.

Travel. Experiences. Health.

There is no point in wasting time, when there are adventures out there waiting for me. I just need to seize the chances I’m presented with.

~Angel

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I couldn’t count the number of times I’ve heard or thought in my lifetime “If my life had a soundtrack, THIS song would be on it.” Well, that’s the basic concept for this post series: Soundtrack of a Misfit. These are the songs that, if my life indeed did have a soundtrack, would be played. As of late, it’s been this song – “Another Year” by Amanda Palmer.

I tried to fall in it again
My friends took bets and disappeared
They mime their sighing violins
I think I’ll wait another year

I want my chest pressed to your chest
My nervous systems interfere
Ten or eleven months have passed
I think I’ll wait another year

This weather turns my tricks to rust
I am a lousy engineer
The winter makes things hard enough
I think I’ll wait another year

Plus I’m only twenty-six years old
My grandma died at eighty-three
That’s lots of time if I don’t smoke
I think I’ll wait another year

I’m not as callous as you think
I barely breath when you are near
It’s not as bad when I don’t drink
I think I’ll wait another year

I have my new Bill Hicks CD
I have my friends and my career
I’m getting smaller by degrees
You said you’d help me disappear

But that could take forever
I think I’ll wait another year
It’ll be the best year ever
I think I’ll wait another year
Can’t we just wait together?
You bring the smokes, I’ll bring the beer
I think I’ll wait another year

It’s a hard thing to really describe, especially in less than a memoir sized post, but I’ll give it a good summary.

There have been so many stresses, ups and downs, reasons to move on and reasons to hold on to hope these past… well, two years now. I feel like this song sums up quite a bit of that pretty well. Diving into college and work full time, when I was used to worrying about photo shoots and artwork and, primarily, writing – it wasn’t the easiest transition in the world to make. I mean, YAY money. Yay education. But that’s a rough thing to lose when it’s your therapy, and writing definitely was. Definitely IS. So, my brain keeps hoping I’ll split in two, and Other Me will finish editing my manuscript, send it off, get it published, and rejoin me. But it doesn’t seem so.

Not to mention, the personal stress: family, friends, boyfriend. Trying to learn to keep who I am alive in a world where people are constantly fighting me to change. I’m different – not just in the “Oh looky she’s a tattooed freak monkey” – I AM different than normal 21 year old gals. Not everyone likes it, or how I handle things, or how I try to help them when they just want to self-destruct. Sometimes, it strikes me just how alone I am anymore. “My friends took bets and disappeared” really rings true here, among other lines.

Finally, freedom. I worry about whether or not I can actually BE free. Of home, of worry, of killing-me-slowly-stress, of debt, of all the bad things. I try to save up money, try to move forward (hell, I was working more jobs than I thought I ever COULD at one point) but nothing seems to progress.

So, I’d keep telling myself… it’ll only be another year until I’m on track to get published again. Until I’m doing incredible shoots and regularly selling my art. Until I’m happy again. Until I’m free.

But, I can’t wait. I get that now. Even WITH work and school and stress.. If I want my life to change, I have to change it. So, when I think about next year, it’s not what I hope will happen –

It’s what I will MAKE happen.

Hopefully, this makes a little sense. If you like this post series, do let me know. I hope to continue it with more songs and better reasons. =)

~Angel

Of  Books:

  The last book I read was “The Woman in Black” by Susan Hill, which was an excellent read, and definitely haunting. So, of course, I’ve been dying to see the movie, which stars the one and only Daniel Radcliffe. Not gonna lie, there was A LOT of differences between the book and the film, most of which I could understand, but some just seemed random. There was something definitely more… disturbing to the book, and I think it was probably a psychological factor – like, a serious messes-with-your-mind sorta thing. It’s not like “BOO! BE SCARED AND DISTURBED BITCHEZ!” – it sinks it, like a slow acting  poison, and takes hold of you. The book will leave you unsure and heartbroken for a few days.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the movie, and Daniel Radcliffe did an INCREDIBLE job as Arthur Kipps. It definitely isn’t the worst book-to-movie adaptation *coughcough* IAmLegend *coughcough*

ANYWAY, moving along…

I’ve restarted “The Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins, which I started some time ago when it first came out, but ended up getting distracted and never finished it – not that I thought it was boring or anything, another book in a series I adored came out, and I switched books with the intention to switch back. It happens. Anywho…

 

I’m loving the Hunger Games, and super thrilled with what I’ve seen trailer wise for the movie. Cannot freaking wait.

Moving right along..

Recent Misadventures:

So, I’ve had a lot of things on my mind lately. College related stress, work related stress, personal stress, etc. Just.. a lot going on, ya know?

Which is probably why the song “Another Year” by Amanda Palmer has meant the world to me lately. I’ll do a post specifically about that later.

I’ve got some serious work to get done involving my manuscript, but I never seem to have a good, long period of time to work on it. I’m going to have to change that. I’m going to have to change a lot of things, to be completely honest. I feel like college and work really take up too much of my time. I know, I know – that REALLY doesn’t sound good. But I mean.. I work 10 hours at least most days. I’m a full time college student at a college I HATE. I used to be a very driven and motivated gal. But not anymore, not lately. It’s like a major chunk of my life is focused on getting by, like life itself is getting in my way.

I used to be so very, very close to success, I could taste it. I was motivated and nothing could stand in my way or drag me down. I busted my ass to be everything I could, and I was ready to join my author friends among their talented ranks. But alas, life happens.

I’m ready to fix that.

Which is why I’ve considered getting an assistant again – someone to help me get things accomplished that take up a lot of time, or I may not have a lot of time to complete. Someone to act as a beta reader for articles, manuscripts, etc. Someone to mail off things, type up handwritten things, blah blah. We’ll see if I go ahead and hire on someone new again. It was helpful in the past.

Anywho, I’m out. I’ll have a more logical post soon enough.

~Angel