Posts Tagged ‘angel young’

Part One – Angel Young: The Dark Inside

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Part Two – Angel Young: Moments of Light

 

Go check them out! We discuss quite a bit!

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One of my biggest struggles I’ve had with Sjogren’s, as I’ve mentioned a few times I believe, is the battle with fatigue and brain fog. Not that the other creativemindssymptoms aren’t horrible, but these particular symptoms have caused me a lot of grief with several aspects of my life aside from just making me miserable. My memory used to be incredible, and writing was never something I struggled with. Sjogren’s tossed me into a brain fog I never thought I would escape. But lately, I’ve been getting myself back under control.

For example, my last post – Hypergraphia – was about just that. I am compelled once again by the Midnight Disease, when I am not only wanting to write, but I simply have to write. It’s a compulsion, and I’ll write anywhere on anything available. That’s even what that post was. Something inside of my head was driving me to write. This is a feeling I used to be familiar with, even somewhat in control of. I was always writing, and always wanting to write. But not as much thanks to Sjogren’s, and definitely not as strong.

In part, I believe it’s from a general sense of getting back to myself. I’ve spent a long, long time drowning in depression because of a variety of reasons. My head was held under water because I never have time for creative outlets, I work all the time, college is a mess, I’m plagued by my own self doubt, struggling with a relentless illness, and a general series of unfortunate events blocking my way. But I’ve grown tired of being down, and letting my failures occur so frequently. I am a determined young woman with a lot of dreams and potential, and it about time I stop putting myself on the back burner. And by this I mean – it’s time to focus on what I want, and not just what is needed. Not just the sick girl, not just the working girl, or the aunt, or the daughter, or whatever. I need to focus on Angel Young – the Writer, Artist, Photographer, and Weirdo. Because that’s who I am. I remember her.

I’ve been very lucky to find myself surrounded by more and more like-minded individuals, people driven to be everything they can and live out their dreams, as well as help other people in return. It’s one thing to be alone and trying to make it, but when you’re surrounded by so much inspiration, it’s hard not to try and keep trying to make all of your dreams into reality. My aim is set on the moon, but I’ve realized how beautiful it already is here among these bright stars.

But not only that – I think that the Legends of the Knight screening honestly helped me a lot more than I realized. I pulled off something I never even fathomed I could, and even doubted a lot along the way. I was convinced that I couldn’t bring this film to my little theater, that I couldn’t raise money, that I couldn’t do all of this and honor Eric’s memory by not only living, but by doing something incredible with my life. But I did. And I’m not finished yet.

I cried earlier today. It wasn’t because I was sad, or in pain, or sick. It was because I thought about all the amazing things I’ve done, and how far I can still go if I really try. I was filled with a hope I haven’t had for some time and an overwhelming burst to create.

Because I am Angel Young. I am a writer, a photographer, an artist, and a weirdo. I’m proud of who I am, and couldn’t imagine ever wanting to be anyone else ever again. So it’s time I take my life back into my own hands.

~Angel

So, those who know me in the “real world” are somewhat aware of the fact that I have been hella sick all week. Like, unholy pain, vomiting, headaches, bleeding in ways I shouldn’t be – including urine and vomit, fevers. But not everyone is filled in on exactly what’s been going down, so I’ve decided to make a single post describing what’s going on so hopefully I don’t have to type it out five billion times for friends and relatives alike.

I had this odd pain about a week or two before the actual sickness began, and we still aren’t positve how much it has to do with what’s actually wrong. But it was this horrible sharp pain that went up my heel to my back which was unbearable after a while, and we assumed that was something to do with my sciatic nerve causing me issues. But Tuesday this week I was in so much pain, I literally started crying at work. By that night, I was puking up blood and everything else my body could scrape out of me, along with running a temp. I was unbelievably miserable.

So, Wednesday I was forced into bloodwork and IV fluids/medications. I was pretty sickly most of the day, with the exception of right after the pain and stomach meds kicked in, as well as the fluids – dehydration is a bitch, after all. By that night I felt crappy again. Thursday morning I felt like crap but tried to go about my day anyway, until I found out my mom had left work really, really early for some reason and was coming to pick me up. So, I crashed on my couch until she came after me and informed me my lab tests came back with three critical alerts (alert low on sodium, calcium, and potassium) and I was heading back for even more IV related hell. By Thursday night, before I went to do my taxes, I had been stabbed by needles 4 times since Wednesday. So trust me, I was thrilled when they put a lock on my IV so it could be left in my hand for the other IVs. That way, I logically wouldn’t need poked again.

Thursday night, however, I hit a bad low. I really thought I was going to die, and I’m pretty sure my mom did too. Hell, looking back on it, I may have been dying. I never want to be so miserable again. EVER. I felt so weak and so out of it and hurt so badly… *shudders* yeah. It was baaad.

Friday morning I wasn’t feeling so hot either, so of course that day I ended up back on the IV stomach meds and fluids. I also had to do more bloodwork to see if I was still critical, so I had to be stuck two more times (my IV was being a bitch and not letting them draw blood out of it. Of course.) That means I’ve had needles poked in me 6 times since this mess began. Not the worst, by far, especially for me. But definitely not something I’m big on doing. Plus I had an EKG – which was normal, thankfully – among other things.

Now, I felt pretty crappy today and yesterday. Still vomiting, hurting, being miserable in general. Had to have more IV fluids and antibiotics yesterday. Last night we found out my labs improved, though my calcium is almost to a bad point now, which has us worried. But, I’m still miserable. Mysterious Sickness of Doom is not ready to let me go.

Technically, we’re thinking it is or at least started as pyelonephritis, a bad kidney infection. But… if that were it, logically, it should be gone by now, or at least fading. Yet, it isn’t really. So, we have no clue what’s wrong. Unless it’s just not getting better, or it’s turning into something else.

Anyway, that’s all for tonight, folks. I’m feeling pretty bad and ready to crash. Once I know more about Mysterious Sickness of Doom, I shall share.

~Angel

Of  Books:

  The last book I read was “The Woman in Black” by Susan Hill, which was an excellent read, and definitely haunting. So, of course, I’ve been dying to see the movie, which stars the one and only Daniel Radcliffe. Not gonna lie, there was A LOT of differences between the book and the film, most of which I could understand, but some just seemed random. There was something definitely more… disturbing to the book, and I think it was probably a psychological factor – like, a serious messes-with-your-mind sorta thing. It’s not like “BOO! BE SCARED AND DISTURBED BITCHEZ!” – it sinks it, like a slow acting  poison, and takes hold of you. The book will leave you unsure and heartbroken for a few days.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the movie, and Daniel Radcliffe did an INCREDIBLE job as Arthur Kipps. It definitely isn’t the worst book-to-movie adaptation *coughcough* IAmLegend *coughcough*

ANYWAY, moving along…

I’ve restarted “The Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins, which I started some time ago when it first came out, but ended up getting distracted and never finished it – not that I thought it was boring or anything, another book in a series I adored came out, and I switched books with the intention to switch back. It happens. Anywho…

 

I’m loving the Hunger Games, and super thrilled with what I’ve seen trailer wise for the movie. Cannot freaking wait.

Moving right along..

Recent Misadventures:

So, I’ve had a lot of things on my mind lately. College related stress, work related stress, personal stress, etc. Just.. a lot going on, ya know?

Which is probably why the song “Another Year” by Amanda Palmer has meant the world to me lately. I’ll do a post specifically about that later.

I’ve got some serious work to get done involving my manuscript, but I never seem to have a good, long period of time to work on it. I’m going to have to change that. I’m going to have to change a lot of things, to be completely honest. I feel like college and work really take up too much of my time. I know, I know – that REALLY doesn’t sound good. But I mean.. I work 10 hours at least most days. I’m a full time college student at a college I HATE. I used to be a very driven and motivated gal. But not anymore, not lately. It’s like a major chunk of my life is focused on getting by, like life itself is getting in my way.

I used to be so very, very close to success, I could taste it. I was motivated and nothing could stand in my way or drag me down. I busted my ass to be everything I could, and I was ready to join my author friends among their talented ranks. But alas, life happens.

I’m ready to fix that.

Which is why I’ve considered getting an assistant again – someone to help me get things accomplished that take up a lot of time, or I may not have a lot of time to complete. Someone to act as a beta reader for articles, manuscripts, etc. Someone to mail off things, type up handwritten things, blah blah. We’ll see if I go ahead and hire on someone new again. It was helpful in the past.

Anywho, I’m out. I’ll have a more logical post soon enough.

~Angel