Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

UPDATE!

Pennywise2

I know I’ve been missing for roughly FOREVER. But I’ve been battling chaos and working toward making something of myself. So, here’s a quick little update for those who have supported me as a writer for some time now:

I’m currently using Patreon to both motivate myself to keep writing and putting out new content, but also give people a way to support my writing that have wanted to for some time, now. The tiers are only $1, $2, and $5 per month. For just a dollar, though, you get the best of it – the short stories. But there will also be articles, bonus special blog posts, and more.

As it grows, I’ll be adding more and more content to my Patreon for my readers.

Check it out!

~Angel

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I watched a special on HBO while stuck in my house due to an ice storm this weekend. It was called “Every Brilliant Thing”, and it’s definitely worth checking out. But, it inspired me. I want to start making a list of every brilliant thing to me in life. Everything that makes life worth living.

It’s no secret that I struggle with depression. I have for over half of my life, now. Usually, I manage just fine. But some days, it gets to me. It’s like a poison spreading through my system, leaving me weak. I can’t find the light, and that’s my biggest problem in that state of mind: I’m lost in the darkness, and cannot find the good to pull me out of it.

So, I’m giving myself a list of things. Things to read and remember what makes me even slightly happy. I’m giving myself a way out of the darkness.

Let’s start by cheating a bit with my list of things I was thankful for a few posts ago:

1.) Movie nights with someone you love.

2.) My Batman collection. 

3.) My nieces. 

4.) Fur babies. 

5.) Feeling inspired. 

6.) Productive nights of insomnia. 

7.) Feeling accomplished. 

8.) Qdoba nacho dates with my  best friend. 

9.) The hunt for collection things.

10.) Long calls with your favorite person.

11.) Clear nights with the moon and stars shining bright.

12.) Hoodie weather.

13.) Nature walks / Hikes.

14.) Road trips with good company and good music.

15.) The exhilaration on your favorite rides.

16.) Doing something kind for someone else, and knowing they appreciated it. 

17.) Knowing this was the first December in a few years I didn’t have a surgery scheduled.

18.) The catalyst of meeting Kevin Smith a little over one year ago. 

19.) Filling up a box of comics.

20.) The excitement of somewhere new.

21.) Being so happy that I can’t stop the big, dorky grins. 

22.) Painting with music blaring days. 

23.) Adventure. 

24.) Chinese food. 

25.) Supporting the dreams and projects of others.

26.) The Bat Force / Bat Force Radio while working on my collection. 

27.) Naps.

28.) My fandoms.

29. ) People equally passionate about the same things I am.

30.) Good memories.

31.) Cards Against Humanity nights. 

32.) My closest friends.

33.) My BEST friend.

34.) Everything about a certain someone. 

Now, let’s add a few more on, to make it a proper new post:

35.) Meeting your heroes.

36.) Comic Cons

 37.) Finding new movies you absolutely love.

38.) The song that becomes Our Song

39.) Comfy socks.

40.) The first day of feeling better after being sick.

41.) Peanut Butter M&Ms 

42.) Art days after school in high school, working on projects with people that meant the world to me.

43.) Hot apple cider in my Ouija mug when I’m sick.

44.) Good, long conversations.

45.) Dressing up as Harley Quinn

46.) Poetry

47.) The work of Charles Bukowski

48.) Unexpected gifts of things you want, but didn’t ask for.

49.) When the person you fall in love with, falls in love with you.

50.) Happy dances.

There we have it. My first 50 things. I hope to read through them when I’m down, and then add to them, and hopefully use this tool to pull myself back out of the grips of depression.

~Angel

ordinary

“Well the course, the chain of events, that would be the evidence, some say it’s coincidence
I say I found something greater than myself and started accepting it
And I can see, feel, taste and smell again
And I’m the only one with the hammer to break this shell I’m in
It’s gonna take me crackin’ this mirror to finally be myself again
Met my potential a long time ago, and I’m not stopping til I resemble him”

2016 was a weird year of ups and downs for me. A year of challenging myself to get back to being my best self, mentally and physically. A year of letting go of things I shouldn’t hold onto anymore, or embracing things that are better for me in the long run. I’ve had periods of productivity and somewhat success, and periods of doubt that stifles creativity to the point of madness.

And here I stand, ready to take on my dreams again. I keep saying it. I keep telling myself that I’ll get back to the important things, like writing. But now, I have no choice. It’s now or never, Angel. Kick that ass back into gear.

“I don’t know why,
But it’s like I can’t stay quiet.
This is my voice,
I can’t let it die inside me.”

I’m stepping into 2017 with big dreams. I’m exhausted, after barely surviving the constant ups and downs of 2016, but the desire to move forward is there.

Let’s make this our year, shall we?

-Angel

elephant-rocks

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and usually this time of year, I like to make a stereotypical post about things I’m thankful for. So here’s a list of what I’m thankful for, or just brings me joy right now (in no real order):

Movie nights with someone you love.

My Batman collection. 

My nieces. 

Fur babies. 

Feeling inspired. 

Productive nights of insomnia. 

Feeling accomplished. 

Qdoba nacho dates with my  best friend. 

The hunt for collection things.

Long calls with your favorite person.

Clear nights with the moon and stars shining bright.

Hoodie weather.

Nature walks / Hikes.

Road trips with good company and good music.

The exhilaration on your favorite rides.

Doing something kind for someone else, and knowing they appreciated it. 

Knowing this is the first December in a few years I don’t have a surgery scheduled.

The catalyst of meeting Kevin Smith one year ago. 

Filling up a box of comics.

The excitement of somewhere new.

Being so happy that I can’t stop the big, dorky grins. 

Painting with music blaring days. 

Adventure. 

Chinese food. 

Supporting the dreams and projects of others.

The Bat Force / Bat Force Radio while working on my collection. 

Naps.

My fandoms.

People equally passionate about the same things I am.

Good memories.

Cards Against Humanity nights. 

My closest friends.

My BEST friend.

Everything about a certain someone. 

There are many, many other things I could list. But these were the first things to come to mind today, and that was the most important part of this to me: the RIGHT NOW.

I hope everyone has a great week, and if you’re celebrating – a great Thanksgiving.

-Angel

I am ready to move forward. I am ready to not only chase after my dreams, but catch them and beat them into submission. Well, okay. Maybe I won’t be that violent with my dreams. But you get the idea. I am ready for more.

“In the face of such hopelessness as our eventual, unavoidable death, there is little sense in not at least trying to accomplish all of your wildest dreams in life.” – Kevin Smith, Tough Sh*t: Life Advice From a Fat, Lazy Slob Who Did Good.

I’ve been pretty focused on being healthier lately, both mentally and physically. I’ve been focused on making better decisions for my body, as well as doing things that make me happy, like working on things for my collection, and taking time to read comics again. It’s taken a lot of my down time, but it’s been worth it. Now, I’m about to set out for Orlando. I have hopes that by the time I get back, I’ll be refreshed mentally and ready to dive back into writing as much as I should be.

“Uh-oh, running out of breath, but I
Oh, I, I got stamina
Uh-oh, running now, I close my eyes
Well, oh, I got stamina
And uh-oh, I see another mountain to climb
But I, I, I got stamina
Uh-oh, I need another lover, be mine
Cause I, I, I got stamina.”

 I’m making big plans, working on improving Wandering NerdGirl, and trying to get a first draft hammered out on my WIP. There isn’t a lot I can explain yet, but definitely soon. 😀

See you after Florida!

-Angel

keepgoing

It’s always a curious thing, letting go of some aspects of your life in order to embrace other things that feel more important. The seed is planted, and you’re ready to watch it bloom. You’ve been watering it and giving it all of your love. Sometimes, something amazing blooms. Other times, nothing happens. You’re left alone in the dirt, waiting for something to come from nothing, and having no idea whether it will become everything you hoped for, or leave you as you are – alone in the dirt.

I started down a path a few months ago, terrified and unsure of myself, with hopes of pushing myself toward something better. I’ve been hard at work on Wandering NerdGirl. I’ve been working on my health. Trying to spend more time with friends. I’ve been working on things I’ve never done before. Spending time with my nieces and going to Six Flags. And all of these things can bring me some temporary comfort, and the occasional feeling of accomplishment.

But you know what I haven’t been doing lately? Writing – working on new stuff, or editing, or finishing Work-in-Progress stuff. I haven’t been taking any pictures. I haven’t been drawing or painting. And not doing these particular things is really waging war on my brain.

I just came home a week ago from a last minute trip, mostly just an adventure, with a bit of excitement. I was on top of the world when I was coming home. I felt decent for the first time in a while emotionally. But no sooner than I returned to normal life, did Life decide to step in and remind me that I was coming back to normal, and needed to lose that happy, euphoric feeling. Don’t forget who you really are, it seemed to say this week.

However, I am fighting back. I have full intention to get some writing and hopefully some drawing done this weekend. I will not allow myself to keep feeling like a failure.

More soon.

~Angel

“Are you searching for purpose?
Then write something, yeah it might be worthless
Then paint something then, it might be wordless
Pointless curses, nonsense verses
You’ll see purpose start to surface
No one else is dealing with your demons
Meaning maybe defeating them
Could be the beginning of your meaning, friend.”

I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to figure myself out. I know what I want. I know that if I can work myself hard enough, I can have it.

But it’s been a little easier said than done when your body decides to be twice as tired as it typically is, and hurting in nice fun new ways that make doing pretty much anything impossible. Plus, I got hooked on Marvel’s Jessica Jones on Netflix, and had to get the first season binge watched in less than a week.

 Next week I’m supposed to see my Rheumatologist and it’s stressing me out quite a bit more than I’d like. I’ve had so much happen, so much disease manifestation and progression, that I don’t want to go hear whatever she will say about it all.

Plus there have been loads of other stressful things going on, and all around I sort of feel like I’m unraveling.

comeonkid

But, I’m still going forward with the things I want. I’m still trying to learn new things so I can make new things. I’m trying to get my body to a point it isn’t having a meltdown. I’m trying to keep up with Wandering NerdGirl and make it into everything I wanted it to be.

Mainly, I’ve been needing to write, which comes easier to me on some days than others. I was a writing machine, cranking out posts and chapters and everything for a little while. Then BOOM – I slow waaaay down. I’m trying to get myself back into the swing of things, but it’s been a struggle. I used to, before sickness and stress and life drained me of everything, be able to write write write until the only thing slowing me down was hand cramps. I’d fill notebooks and print hundreds and hundreds of pages. I wrote during and between classes in High School, and when I’d get home from school. When I was in college, I wrote before classes and between them, and even tried to sneak in some writing during classes. I used to write on work lunch breaks. I spent summers at my desk, writing for hours on end.

But then stress took over. And from stress sprung illness, a mighty beast even for me to deal with.

I’m trying, though. I’m trying as hard as I can to find a way to get everything I want from life. I’m trying to get the words to come even when I can’t form a coherent thought because the brain fog is so heavy. I’m trying to give myself things that help put me back into my head correctly. It just takes time.

I finished a chapter of my current WIP the other day, and I’m hoping to finish a chapter or two this weekend if I can push myself enough. We will see.

~Angel