“And it’s funny how I imagined
That I could win this, win this fight.
But maybe it isn’t all that funny,
That I’ve been fighting all my life.
But maybe I have to think it’s funny
If I wanna live before I die.
And maybe it’s funniest of all,
To think I’ll die before I actually see
That I am exactly the person that I want to be”
-Amanda Palmer, In My Mind
Consider my quieter posting habits a good thing for the moment, because I’ve been hard at work on projects – both manuscript revisions and managing Hail to the Geek, Baby. My plan to give chapters every week to my best friend so I’m being held responsible if I don’t take the time to write is actually working out well. I’m powering through those revisions and tweaking the story exactly the way I want it. I like the direction I’m taking it this time, which is good. Plus feeling like I have a deadline to get oh-so-much worked out makes me a little more focused on getting it written.
Hail to the Geek, Baby is doing alright. It’s still a baby needing to be nurtured so it can grow into it’s full potential. Some posts get 50+ views the first day, while some are lucky to get 10 in a week. It’s a work-in-progress, and I’m taking care of it the very best I can. Let’s hope it gets some more love and affection in the coming weeks. I’ve got a great staff that may be growing soon, and that’s always something wonderful to have.
But I can’t deny there are many bumps on my path to improve my life and commit to myself. There were a few points this weekend that my body was so violently rebelling against me that I really considered going to the emergency room. I’ve felt pretty awful as of late, and I’m trying to change that by taking better care of myself. Can’t expect miracles overnight, though.
At least I have a nice long trip (hopefully) to look forward to the end of September into October. What was supposed to be an unpleasantly short Orlando trip is turning into a pleasantly long one if all goes well. I could use the escape to my Happy Place to get my mind readjusted to a place it needs to be. I get closer to who I am when I’m away from it all.
And honestly, even though I do have my moments where I’m miserable with my life, I also realize that it isn’t my life I am miserable with. I am unhappy with aspects that cause problems in my life. These are things that can be weeded out in order to live happily as the person I am. I am happy with my choice to be a writer: I am not happy with my limited time. I am happy taking artistic pictures: I am not happy with getting limited in what I can do creatively. I am happy making art: I am not happy with people telling me what to make and when to have it done. I am happy with my geeky nature, but I am not happy with people telling me I need to ‘Grow Up’, when there is nothing wrong with loving who I am and the things I love.
When I leave, I am the person that I want to be. I bring a little piece of that person back with me each time.
Anyway, more updates to come!
~Angel
Misadventures of a Misfit 