Archive for May, 2013

Each way I turn, I know I’ll always try
To break this circle that’s been placed around me
From time to time, I find I’ve lost some need
That was urgent to myself, I do believe

Life is weird. I say this a lot, actually. Sometimes because my life is being weird, sometimes because the whole world is going insane around me, and sometimes as just a gentle fact. But here it is, staring me dead in the eye, being all weird and whatnot, saying “Behold my grand symphony of destruction and creation.” I’m just supposed to sit back and survive the ride, but I’d like to actually enjoy said ride. Even if it’s crazy. Even if I think I might die with every twist and turn. I need to grit my teeth and hold on and try to enjoy it.

Tonight I think I’ll walk alone
I’ll find my soul as I go home

So, one of my very best friends – Skylar – is about to leave for the army, and it’s eating me up inside. I know she’ll be back. I know it’s for the best, and I’m so proud of her for being so brave and jumping out there int0 this great wide world. But it doesn’t change the ache in my chest, and it certainly doesn’t change how much I’m going to miss her. She leaves the day before Brittaney and I head to Orlando. Then, while we are in Orlando, the anniversary of Eric’s death will roll around. It’s going to be the first time I haven’t spent the 23rd of June at the cemetery, and I’m somewhat terrified. I guess a part of me is worried he’ll be let down. I know I’m worried about how I will handle it when the day actually comes. But I know that if I stayed here, dealing with Skylar leaving, Eric’s anniversary, and the approach of Whitney’s birthday… I couldn’t handle it. Not this year. Not right now. So I need to be away. Fate gave me an opportunity and I took it. Even though there is peace when I’m alone at the graveyard with him, I know that someday I will have to leave the land of the dead and learn to hold myself up as one of the living.

Something that helps me rejoin the land of the living: Going to the zoo with my maniac friends. Hell, adventures with them in general is just.. Yeah ❤

ZOONINJASCREEPSHOW

I failed miserably at finishing my manuscript in time for my self set deadline (well, I wasn’t off by too much until work got in the way), which is why I haven’t posted really for some time. I was trying my hardest to make sure I accomplished that. But, things happen. I’ll get it done. But first, I need to finish my photo shoots with Little Red – aka Skylar – before she leaves.

Plus, I’m learning to deal with the Mysterious Sickness of Doom — erm, my bad — Sjogren’s. But explaining that is a post all it’s own.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.” — Steve Jobs

Anyway, that’s all for tonight. I shall post more hopefully this week.

~Angel

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First contest, ladies and gents! And it’s pretty simple – see that little link to the left, that leads you to my Facebook like page (Misadventures of a Misfit)? Go like it! Then read the post pinned to the top about this Facebook focused contest:

Immortal Rules

I have this awesome copy of The Immortal Rules by Julie Kagawa to give away. Let’s get this page to 100 likes!  Here’s what YOU need to do, and it’s pretty simple:

Your name will be entered once for every day you share this photo, limited to one share per day.
For every friend you get to like this page, two entries (they need to post on here who referred them so I can count the vote).
You get an automatic entry for liking this post!

A random number generator will choose the winner, to be fair.

Contest ends next Sunday, when I announce the winner!

So get to it, folks!! This is a Facebook focused contest, not Wordpress. So open up your Facebook and get to work! SHARE! LIKE! GET YOUR BUDDIES AND FELLOW READERS INVOLVED!

 

~Angel

We’ve been playing a game of “What the hell is wrong with me?” for about a year and a half. And now, we finally have some names to throw out there:ImagineSjogrens

Last appointment, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. We discussed the possibility that Lupus is developing. Today I was diagnosed with early stage Sjogren’s.

This is a disease that usually hits menopause age women and older, though it can hit someone my age. It’s just pretty rare. So, if and when I ever have children, I’ll need a high risk OB.

There are ways of managing Sjogren’s to make it more comfortable, but there are no medications specifically for it and no cure. I’m also at risk of serious complications, the big one being Lymphoma. So I have to be on high alert for those symptoms. And Sjogren’s can play brother and sister with Lupus, so we’re predicting that is in the process of possibly developing as well.

Mostly, I’m just dumbfounded that there’s not just ONE name for what’s wrong with me. There’s a few. The biggest relief is that I’m NOT CRAZY. I have proof of something being wrong with me. Something that can be explained.

Now, to just plan how to make these life alterations so I can cope a bit better.

More later,

Angel.

I use my veins to create the color I paint from
Delve into something ’til my
heart becomes my paint brush

Dream

I’ve mentioned this roughly four trillion times by now, I’m sure – My unspeakable desire to break free of this rut I’m in and be back to my normal life of dream chasing (though you can hardly call me ‘normal’… maybe just back to my old self.) Because I am not a desk job person. I am not an office monkey. To be honest, my work doesn’t make me happy anymore, it doesn’t pertain to my future, and it doesn’t help whatsoever with the Mysterious Sickness of Doom.

So I stare into this paper instead of sitting at a cubicle
Take all ugly shit inside and try to make it beautiful

So, I declare it time to get my ass into gear. For real. Not just hoping I can and against my will it doesn’t work out. No. Not this time. This time, I am giving myself a set amount of time for these revisions, set amount of time to get it to my Beta reader, set amount of time to review it once again. I’m giving myself oh-so-long to work on something different to clear my mind of this story so I can look at it with fresh eyes. But mark my words. I’m getting something accomplished this year. I’m getting my query letters to agents out before 2013 is over with. I’m done waiting. I’m done letting everything else take priority over what I really want out of this life. If the Day Job wants to stand in the way, then… I guess it’ll have to go for now.

Because it is time I get back to Angel Young – the writer. Not Angel Young, the office monkey.

~Angel