Thankful.

Posted: November 25, 2012 by Angel Young in Uncategorized

[And I think you should know this, you deserve much better than me.]

I’m never there for the people I should be, not like I was. Part of it is easily blamed on trying to make a life for myself in the adult world, which tends to mean I’m working and exhausted and don’t have time to do whatever whenever. A good chunk of it nowadays is the fault of the Mysterious Sickness of Doom – health comes before goofing off. If I’m feeling crappy, then I can’t and shouldn’t try to go out. In the end, I could come up with a million reasons why I cannot, and not enough reasons why I can. People end up thinking I’m ignoring them, or I don’t care, or whatever. I understand that. But sometimes I wish they understood where I’m coming from. It isn’t that I don’t care.

Of course I am thankful for family, for all of my friends – new and old, for the roof over my head, and so much more. But there are a few people that mean the world to me and more, and I would really like to acknowledge them. It’s not that I don’t consider other people important or close to me, it’s just that these people in particular need to be noted.

[While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight.]

To Alesha,

Chick, there isn’t a whole lot to say to you that hasn’t been said. We may not always see things eye to eye, but it never seems to matter at the end of the day lol. You’re there for me with the good and the bad, happy days and days I’m falling to pieces. You listen to my complaining and insanity and the strange messes I get myself into, and I appreciate this more than you know. We may not see each other all that often, but it doesn’t mean we aren’t close. I love you, girly. Stay awesome.

To Skylar:

You and I have been friends for quite some time now. Our age difference sort of amazes some people, but it’s all good. You’re practically my little sister and I love you to death. We’ve had a few rough spots with each other, but who hasn’t had those? At the end of the day, you’re still my little sister, and I will still stand by your side. I see how beautiful of a person you are, inside and out. I miss our car ride adventures, ridiculous conversations, and singing loudly to songs randomly. You’re one of my very best friends, and I will always be there for you. I’m going to miss you like crazy when you leave.

To Krissy:

I know you aren’t my biggest fan anymore. I know you felt like I used you as a security blanket, and that when things fell apart you felt like I abandoned you. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I have done that’s hurt you. I really, truly am. Every single day I’ve missed you and wanted to fix things, but really didn’t think you cared or wanted to. Every time I turned around for the longest time, all people would tell me was how much you hated me, and it broke my heart. I really didn’t think I’d make it without you.

Then, a few months ago, right before I went into the hospital, I was talking to Brittaney about how I really thought I was going to die, and that I really wished I wouldn’t have left everything like it was and that I really didn’t think I’d have time to fix things. While she encouraged me to message you, I didn’t. Mostly because I was scared to get rejected when I needed you so badly. But my first night in the hospital, I got a message from you and started bawling like a big baby. I’ve wanted so badly to fix our friendship, and I understand that you probably don’t. But you do need to know how very much I miss you, and how that message probably helped me more during those couple of days more than any of my treatment up there. I’m not sure if you’ll actually get to read this, but if you do.. I’m sorry I failed you.

To Brittaney:

You are my parabatai, my best friend closer than a sister. While we have had some awful showdowns, they never last. At the end of the day, you are my rock and I am yours. I know I’m not always the easiest person to get along with, but somehow you love me all the same. I will always be there for you. We are infinite, after all haha.

To Taylor:

You’re my whole world. A best friend and a boyfriend wrapped up in one. You’re my guide out of my madness. You’re the Mr. J to my Harley Quinn, the Frankenstein to my Bride. I love you more than you’ll ever know. 🙂

~Angel

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