Sometimes, life gets all messed up on bath salts and tries to eat your face. Not literally (okay, sometimes literally), but you get the idea. 
Life has been not so literally trying to eat my face. Normally, I’m so good at fighting Life off that I can avoid being devoured while doing a few other things in the process. I’m fairly good at multitasking when things start to get overwhelming. But alas, I am human and can grow weak enough that Life straight up almost eats my freakin’ face off.
Okay, okay. Enough of the Life Eating Your Face Off thing. I hear ya.
Anyway, between the Mysterious Sickness of Doom and college/work/personal stress, topped off by June 23rd rolling around as it does every single year and reminding me that I’m alive and my best friend isn’t. Yeah. My brain has been a wee bit on Overload. And I’m finally starting to crack.
It’s like any good news I get – be it major or minor – it still isn’t enough to counter all of the bad things that keep building up up up. I’m stressed and my self confidence is shot all to hell. My stupid body is falling apart on me. I’d really just love to go back on vacation, but now the worries in my head are making wonder if even THAT is going to happen. I’m about to throw a lot onto my plate all at once and really… I’m wondering if I can actually keep my head above water this time. Maybe if I was 100% the old me, it wouldn’t be so bad. I used to be able to handle so much more. But since I’ve gotten sick and now everything seems to be so up in the air in my life at the moment, I have a harder time coping with the extreme levels of stress.
But dammit, I’m trying. I want my life back under my control. I want to chase my dreams down, I want to feel better and be happier. But Life keeps stepping back in and reminding me of all the reasons to say I Can’t instead of I Can.
Luckily, I’m not a quitter. I’m going to push myself even harder. I’ll save every penny I can and split it between savings for life junk and savings for my trip. I’ll work my ass off in school to get to where I want to be. I’ll find time to write and work on my manuscript’s revisions, even if I have to stay up all night. I’ll start booking shoots again and getting back to work. I’ve been eating healthier and trying to take my vitamins and medicine and junk to help my body as much as possible.
I can do this. Deep breath. Deeeeep breath.
~Angel
Misadventures of a Misfit 