Archive for February, 2012

I have not been having the best of days. So, as I write this, I’m chilling out with my new baby, Sirius – the rescue dog from a post or two ago – and watching Sweeney Todd. I’m playing on Pinterest. Really, it’s a big old “I need a fucking break” kind of day.

I’ve had some incredible shoot ideas lately, and making some plans to really get those taking off. For example, I have two tomorrow with the gorgeous on-the-rise model, Little Red. I love that girl to death, and she can pull off any look you need and is always a delight to work with. ❤ Anywho, a cutesy themed shoot followed by what we’re hoping to have turn out to be a very editorial shoot. I shall post pics, never you worry.

Anyway. I’m going back to being busy. Uh, sorta. I’ll be working on the manuscript and it’s desperately needed round of edits I’m behind on. Hopefully, it won’t be too long until I’m posting an excited OMFG I’M PUBLISHED! post. 😀

~Angel

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I couldn’t count the number of times I’ve heard or thought in my lifetime “If my life had a soundtrack, THIS song would be on it.” Well, that’s the basic concept for this post series: Soundtrack of a Misfit. These are the songs that, if my life indeed did have a soundtrack, would be played. As of late, it’s been this song – “Another Year” by Amanda Palmer.

I tried to fall in it again
My friends took bets and disappeared
They mime their sighing violins
I think I’ll wait another year

I want my chest pressed to your chest
My nervous systems interfere
Ten or eleven months have passed
I think I’ll wait another year

This weather turns my tricks to rust
I am a lousy engineer
The winter makes things hard enough
I think I’ll wait another year

Plus I’m only twenty-six years old
My grandma died at eighty-three
That’s lots of time if I don’t smoke
I think I’ll wait another year

I’m not as callous as you think
I barely breath when you are near
It’s not as bad when I don’t drink
I think I’ll wait another year

I have my new Bill Hicks CD
I have my friends and my career
I’m getting smaller by degrees
You said you’d help me disappear

But that could take forever
I think I’ll wait another year
It’ll be the best year ever
I think I’ll wait another year
Can’t we just wait together?
You bring the smokes, I’ll bring the beer
I think I’ll wait another year

It’s a hard thing to really describe, especially in less than a memoir sized post, but I’ll give it a good summary.

There have been so many stresses, ups and downs, reasons to move on and reasons to hold on to hope these past… well, two years now. I feel like this song sums up quite a bit of that pretty well. Diving into college and work full time, when I was used to worrying about photo shoots and artwork and, primarily, writing – it wasn’t the easiest transition in the world to make. I mean, YAY money. Yay education. But that’s a rough thing to lose when it’s your therapy, and writing definitely was. Definitely IS. So, my brain keeps hoping I’ll split in two, and Other Me will finish editing my manuscript, send it off, get it published, and rejoin me. But it doesn’t seem so.

Not to mention, the personal stress: family, friends, boyfriend. Trying to learn to keep who I am alive in a world where people are constantly fighting me to change. I’m different – not just in the “Oh looky she’s a tattooed freak monkey” – I AM different than normal 21 year old gals. Not everyone likes it, or how I handle things, or how I try to help them when they just want to self-destruct. Sometimes, it strikes me just how alone I am anymore. “My friends took bets and disappeared” really rings true here, among other lines.

Finally, freedom. I worry about whether or not I can actually BE free. Of home, of worry, of killing-me-slowly-stress, of debt, of all the bad things. I try to save up money, try to move forward (hell, I was working more jobs than I thought I ever COULD at one point) but nothing seems to progress.

So, I’d keep telling myself… it’ll only be another year until I’m on track to get published again. Until I’m doing incredible shoots and regularly selling my art. Until I’m happy again. Until I’m free.

But, I can’t wait. I get that now. Even WITH work and school and stress.. If I want my life to change, I have to change it. So, when I think about next year, it’s not what I hope will happen –

It’s what I will MAKE happen.

Hopefully, this makes a little sense. If you like this post series, do let me know. I hope to continue it with more songs and better reasons. =)

~Angel

So, we’ve had some serious stress at home lately. Our two little dogs: Tristan (mine) and Kikyo (my mom’s), vanished. We finally got Tristan back eight days later, but Kikyo  is still missing. =/ As you can guess, life has been a bit crazy.

But, on my adventure to one of the local dog pounds to check for Kikyo and leave flyers, I ended up meeting this big baby:

People kept coming in and looking at him, but, even though he’s a pup still, he’s waaaaay too big for most people to want to take him. This poor guy was on his last days, and he was soooo sweet. Needless to say, I didn’t have the heart to say no.

He comes home to live with me on Tuesday. His name: Sirius. =)

On to other, less hairy things:

I finished up The Hunger Games, and moved on and finished Catching Fire (the 2nd book in the Hunger Games series), and am now reading the final book: Mockingjay. Definitely a series I’d reccomend.

I’m finally making an attempt at taking control of my life again: starting to make a set writing schedule again is the biggest. It’s nowhere near the big chunk of time I used to devote to writing, but it’s definitely better than nothing.

I also got a new tattoo on Valentine’s Day:

The second tattoo on my Batman sleeve. I looooove it. Not the greatest shot of it, but oh well. It’s gorgeous in person. 😉

Anyway, shorter random update post tonight. More later.

 

~Angel

Of  Books:

  The last book I read was “The Woman in Black” by Susan Hill, which was an excellent read, and definitely haunting. So, of course, I’ve been dying to see the movie, which stars the one and only Daniel Radcliffe. Not gonna lie, there was A LOT of differences between the book and the film, most of which I could understand, but some just seemed random. There was something definitely more… disturbing to the book, and I think it was probably a psychological factor – like, a serious messes-with-your-mind sorta thing. It’s not like “BOO! BE SCARED AND DISTURBED BITCHEZ!” – it sinks it, like a slow acting  poison, and takes hold of you. The book will leave you unsure and heartbroken for a few days.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the movie, and Daniel Radcliffe did an INCREDIBLE job as Arthur Kipps. It definitely isn’t the worst book-to-movie adaptation *coughcough* IAmLegend *coughcough*

ANYWAY, moving along…

I’ve restarted “The Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins, which I started some time ago when it first came out, but ended up getting distracted and never finished it – not that I thought it was boring or anything, another book in a series I adored came out, and I switched books with the intention to switch back. It happens. Anywho…

 

I’m loving the Hunger Games, and super thrilled with what I’ve seen trailer wise for the movie. Cannot freaking wait.

Moving right along..

Recent Misadventures:

So, I’ve had a lot of things on my mind lately. College related stress, work related stress, personal stress, etc. Just.. a lot going on, ya know?

Which is probably why the song “Another Year” by Amanda Palmer has meant the world to me lately. I’ll do a post specifically about that later.

I’ve got some serious work to get done involving my manuscript, but I never seem to have a good, long period of time to work on it. I’m going to have to change that. I’m going to have to change a lot of things, to be completely honest. I feel like college and work really take up too much of my time. I know, I know – that REALLY doesn’t sound good. But I mean.. I work 10 hours at least most days. I’m a full time college student at a college I HATE. I used to be a very driven and motivated gal. But not anymore, not lately. It’s like a major chunk of my life is focused on getting by, like life itself is getting in my way.

I used to be so very, very close to success, I could taste it. I was motivated and nothing could stand in my way or drag me down. I busted my ass to be everything I could, and I was ready to join my author friends among their talented ranks. But alas, life happens.

I’m ready to fix that.

Which is why I’ve considered getting an assistant again – someone to help me get things accomplished that take up a lot of time, or I may not have a lot of time to complete. Someone to act as a beta reader for articles, manuscripts, etc. Someone to mail off things, type up handwritten things, blah blah. We’ll see if I go ahead and hire on someone new again. It was helpful in the past.

Anywho, I’m out. I’ll have a more logical post soon enough.

~Angel